There's just been too much lately, and not much has been good. Too much drama for one thing. I'm finally to an age where I find excitement is usually not something I'm looking for, as it's usually something bad. Life has taught me that. There's been too much of it lately. I just want my simple boring routine back, no surprises.
I recently had the wonderful experience of dealing with a fake suicide attempt on another board, too. I hate fake people and the shit they pull on a good day, but when you start in on this scale, all my sympathy goes out the window. Don't get me wrong, I've made a few half-assed attempts in my day, back in my teens, thinking I really wanted to die when I didn't, but I'd never have dreamed of faking it! Hell, not causing those I love pain is the only reason I'm still here. It's just sick to pull shit like that. Unfortunately the suicide was the least of what they faked. Some people are just beyond help I think.
Other than that BS, I just feel like it's been one thing after another. Not too much big stuff, but there's been a few things. Mostly it's just a ton of little shit, hitting rapid fire. Thank God it's hitting now and not six months ago. There's no way I could have handled it all then. Luckily I finally got my meds lined out and have my head on as straight as I think it's gonna get. Some days that doesn't seem to be enough tho. I guess everyone feels this way sometimes, bipolar or not.
I guess I just needed to bitch and whine somewhere. It seems ages since I blogged. I forgot how good it can feel to just let it out. Put it down in words and release it somehow. Now I just can't help but wonder why I ever quit….