Well today i had phill staying around last night which was ace. so today got up made us both coffees. Walked into town so thats 30 mins walk was a nice walk met some friends. Then after 1 hour i just got bus home felt like i needed to be on my own no one else around me. So got off the bus so then i just walked down to the woods was soo nice and oeaceful in the woods no one about screaming and shouting and talking loud just peaceful. Hear the wind rushing about was lovely and the birds just peacefuly singing around minding there own buisness. Walked bk to the the flat in the end and just got in and just sat on the pc chatting to people on msn is nice and listening to music. Feeling a bit better in myself after the walk. Still got lot's of thoughts i shouldnt though like how to die how to just walk infront of a CAR and it will all be over all these feelings i got. Just can't forcus on anything possitive. See doc on monday so might ask him for more tablets. I did not sleep well last night. I just wanna curly up and just like forget everything forget all this going on and just peacefully be somewhere else in my mind to forget stuff. Everysingle day its just hard for me to keep that going. I know one day i will be all better and be able to move to brighton and be with Tanya. I just keep hidding away in my own wierld. yesterday i also walked into town and i forgot i was with Tallpaul and phill and phill was like MEL where u going i was like oh sorry was in my own little world off mine. Today i looked at all the trees and think yeah u got an easy life just standing there with ur branches looking nice. Why can't i just stand there and just be like a tree not say a word just stand there watch days go past.