I’m a newbie to this…
Be gentle with me, one wrong move and I’ll crumble into a million little pieces.
Heres some background before I start
- I’m a college student. Early childhood major. I want to teach young learns, put some good into the future.
- This is my last semester at my current school- I should be graduating with my associates.
- I have a loving boyfriend. Our anniversary is next weekend, we will have been together one year. Since he graduated we have been doing a long distance relationship.
So last night, I had the largest anxiety meltdown to date. For about two hours, I was sobbing, heart pupltations, sweating and my rocking of the legs.
Every tride and true method of coping with this- had failed. Luckily I had some Valium left from when I was taking it and that held calm me down. Once my mind had started to shift and went into dangerously dark thoughts, I needed to do something to help subside the attack.
Why would I go from being a year+ of little no attacks to this crazy intense one? Will ever be able to think “wow, you’ve got this” without worry that my head will twist and turn and land me back into danger island?
Another tidbit about me- I have a learning disability. Normally I don’t even notice that it affects me expect for math class. My major struggle. In my last semester here I am taking math(dumb on my part). However I thought well you have a 3.6 gpa clearly you got some of your shit together. Wrong. I am no TERRIBLY scared that I’m going to fail and have wasted almost 3 years of nothing.
Also, I’m taking an Science course needed to pass. I failed my last test. Lowest I’ve ever gotten in college. A lot of my peers failed as well. Of course, my professor was yelling at us to stop being lazy students. I spent 4+ hours studying. How does that make me lazy?
I spend all my time feeling trapped and alone in dorm room. My roommate leaves on the weekend. So I’m stuck here. While my thoughts are buzzing in my heads and bouncing off the plain white walls. Walls that seem to close in on me with every breath that I take.
Struggling to find my way back to health, I stumbled on this website. Maybe it’ll be bring me comfort.
If I’ve sounded whiny or like a small child, I’m sorry.
Thanks for listening