I can’t believe I’m here. I am amazed that I havn’t deleted my account yet. I know sub-conciously I don’t want to. I come to DT for my release and I know that if i leave i’ll be leaving a great support place.

I’m just so confused. I feel like i’m loosing controll. I was doing so well.. and now.. I feel like i’m loosing.. my mind.. controll… myself.. I feel lost.

I’m sitting here trying so hard to keep it together. Trying so hard to not let the tears come up. They are there… I can feel them. I REFUSE to let them come.. so I get angry again. My anger replaces the sadness. I don’t know what is going on in my brain anymore. Replacing one emotion for another… neither being good ones. I have lost that positive voice that was in my head for so long. I don’t know what happened to it.

It feels as though in one day my life has done a 180. From doing so well, to loosing controll completly. This morning I was laughing and joking, and this evening i’m trying to hold back the tears. I want to hit something… just get the anger out. The words aren’t helping. They are just not doing anything.

I don’t know what to do.. I’m lost. Lost in a wild jungle of emotions, and don’t know which one will emerge from the depths.

I have to get my head together by tomorrow morning. I don’t know what i’m going to do. I have to go to school tomorrow morning… I can feel that tonight is going to be a sleepless night.. I just hope that I can make it. Survive the night. thats all I ask.

I wish there was someone that I could turn to. Someone to comfort me in these times of depravity… there’s not. I’m all alone. I can come onto DT and vent my emotions in the chat or in this blog, thats not what I need. I need someone to cry on thier shoulder. Someone to say that they care about me, and that I would believe it when they said it.  I feel as though no one cares about me. I have been lied to and hurt all through out my life.. and it just continues. Those who are meant to care, just cause more pain. They don’t do anything but make my like a misery. Nothing they can do will EVER make up for what they have done to me. They have made me the person I am now. The lost girl in the jungle, trying to find the right emotion, and unable to find it.

Find me. Keep me safe. Save me. Hug me. Tell me I am going to be ok. Help me……..

 

2 Comments
  1. Melfarr 13 years ago

    I am sorry to hear that your going thru a rough spot. They suck.

    We”ve all been there needing to have a person someone there and not wanting that person there cause hell who wants to be seen as weak. One thing that I have learned is that people are people and the ones from my past aren”t the ones in my present nor in my future. Its giving the benifit of doub to others and learning the warning signs.

    Its my hope that things turn around, and that you feel better real soon!

    I am here for you

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  2. angie521 13 years ago

    HI Sadjac, I too wish I could be there to hug you and make you feel better and your right sometime you need to be held and touched by a real person. When we are down are thinking is not like it usually is. Just take sometimeoff from DT if you need too, I think you would miss it if you delete it. I know I would I get on everyday . I dont always blog or respond but I am here. I hope you feel better tomorrow…………..Angie 

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