My life sucks. It really does. I feel like my family and friends just put up with me. A few months ago, I opened up to one of my closest friends ever. I explained to her that I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to leave and never come back. I got through the night with her non-stop texting me. She was so concerned and worried about me. I cried for hours not knowing why or how. I just didn\’t know.
When I was in fourth grade I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism, which is the disease I’ve had for the past ten years. I was tested for cancer with an ultrasound which came back negative. I go to a specialist every 6 months. Some of my symptoms are fatigue, panic attacks, fast heart rate, fast metabolism with a great appetite, trouble falling asleep and depression. Only 2% of women have it and .1% of men do. You can call me special. I was bullied all throughout middle school and the beginning of high school. I was made fun of my weight. I broke 100 lbs when I was a sophomore in High School (but being a runner my doctors weren’t concerned). It is rare to see me without bags under my eyes. I could sleep for 12 hours and still be tired. The less I sleep, the better it is.
Being tested for cancer when I was younger gives me nightmares. To this day, I will wake up crying because I am so scared. I am scared that one day I will walk into my doctor’s office and he feels a bump and I have to get another ultrasound done. And the fear of it coming back positive. I don’t understand why this happens to me. What I know is if I tell my friends or family this, I will have to see a professional. That is why I am writing this right now.
My friend told me to join an online support group to talk about what I am going through. Today is my first day and I now know I am not the only one. I know if I wasn’t typing this right now, I would be crying in my bed, in the dark, by myself like I do every night.
What I am trying to say is, your friends know you. They want to help you and they want to be there for you. I’m so blessed to have had my friends every step of the way. Your friends won’t judge you and if they do then ask yourself if they are really your best friend. Your best friend will always answer your calls, texts, whatever it is. They will always listen or just talk to calm you down. If you are afraid or scared, they will make you brave again. If you are sad, they will make you laugh with all of your memories. They are there to make you happy. That is a true friend.