I had three randomly assigned roommates for the fall, all from different sororities…they’ve switched to off campus housing. Now my 2 current to-be roommates are both chinese. I think one of them is an abroad student.

I called one on the phone today, Yin. She’s a year under me, she is from china, like pretty fobby(fresh off the boat). She seems nice, but I worry that I will cling to an unsatisfying friendship with her like I have always done with people.

I never make friends with people that I’m actually compatible with. I approach/make friends with people that don’t intimidate me….my sister calls them "freaks". Basically the people in my life have always been shy, straightlaced, don’t like to socialize too much or party/drink. I’m the opposite, but I never find people who enjoy living life. I look at people who I am compatible with and I feel like the nerdy ugly unpopular girl I was in middleschool. I feel like they see that, I see it in their attitude or mannerisms. I’m not good enough, they know I’m still a loser.

I’m just stressed about the dynamics with these 2 chinese roommmates. With the previous sorority sisters, I felt like those were people who I could be friends with…but I’m not going to want to stay in on a friday night and look at manga comic books with Yin and Yun.

It is awful, so awful and crazy to say, but I don’t like being around people that aren’t reasonably normal, it makes me feel not normal(shows my insecurity). I just want a friend…a friend I can really relate to. I don’t want these two new roommates that aren’t at all excited about moving into our new apartment. Am I crazy?

I’m going to go chainsmoke to soothe my nerves…talking with Yin on the phone was weird, it was hard to understand her with the accent but I didn’t want to be rude and ask her to repeat anything. She seems sooo young like a sophmore in highschool….my sister is more mature..I hope things work out better than I fear