My current mood: Anxious ( at a level 5/6, coming in waves) Tired, Sleepy and Lonely.
This blog is just me writing out my feelings so I can get to a better current state of mind…..
I have an awful head cold and have been too sick to get out and exercise or do anything other than go to the drugstore to get more tissue. I have suffered from anxiety/panic moderately to severely for the past 6 years but mildly since I was very young, like 10 years old. All for understandable reasons that I am now aware of, therefore have been able to get my anxiety under control.
But recently have developed some other life changing experiences that have sort of caused me to get into a mild cycle of anxiety and sometimes the occasional panic attack.
Been out of work for the passed 7 moths and I am currently looking for work. Just got out of a serious relationship where lots of feelings and emotions are still attached. Turning 31 next month and realize I am the last very few of my friends who are still single!! And I live alone… which I usually don\'t mind but I do get lonely.. no pets, I live in Los Angeles and I really only have a handful of close friends all of whom are usually to busy to hang out. OK so there are all my current "issues"
I try now not to rely on my xanax or a glass of wine to relax. I prefer to overcome it myself. And I usually can but the past day I am too sick and too tired to try… no sleep from this cold that has me sitting inside thinking about everything! especially lonliness. So my anxiety is usually the onset of me overly thinking about being lonely or having the feeling of anxiety for the rest of my life causing me in turn to never sleep and therefore resulting in me losing my mind. Of course all irrational and false thoughts, I know. Actually just typing all this out I feel fine now.
I need to remind myself that I AM bigger than the anxiety. That I deserve to feel good. Anxiety is just tricking my body into feeling dread and that all those physical feelings will NEVER hurt me and I should ride it through. Ahhhhh. Breath in breath out.
I am healthy, I am capable, I am strong.
Ok, thank you to anyone who reads my rambling thoughts! I hope you are well and smiling. 🙂