Well it's Tuesday, my youngest daughter went back to nursery today so I've had a day to myself.  I went out today, had to go and run some errands, I feel almost detached today, like I'm watching something on TV, kinda like i'm not really here.  I know from past experience that this isn't a good sign, I did manage to eat today though, I had some breakfast.  Not much else but still it's better than yesterday.  It's not as if I'm going to starve, I'm got plenty of wobbly bits to keep me going for a while.

I had another phone call about a job today, I just sat and watched the phone ring…..just sat there and looked at it.  I need to get a new job, but I just couldn't move to answer it.  The thought of going for an interview and having to start all over filled me with complete dread.  2 days until I saw my final goodbyes to the staff and kids at the school I've been working at, I'm trying not to think about it  too much though, I'm a bit worried if I dwell on it, I'll go insane.  I'm still taking the Kalms, hoping they will start to kick in soon.  I'm a bit worried that the longer they take to kick in, the lower I'm going to get.  I really really don't want to go back on prescription meds, my GP is crap.  I really don't want to go and tell him all this.  Last time I saw him, I asked about having my tonsils out, I'd just had my 2nd quincy, and he laughed at me! Gonna put on the happy me on Thursday, beginning to think if someone notices and asks if I'm ok, I might collapse and never get back up.

Oh well, almost time to deal with tomorrow.  I've just taken some more painkillers to help me sleep.


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