I have never blogged before.  I have never been a part of something like this, so I am not sure how it works. All I know is that I feel horrible and I want to feel like myself again. One month ago, I was hit like a rock with feelings of sadness, anxiety, and depression. Since then, I have spiraled downward each day. I am worrying constantly, I literally can't eat without feeling ill, its a struggle for me to get do anything, I enjoy nothing that I used to love, I cry all the time…I feel like I am going through the motions of the day without emotionally attaching. I am just so sad. The thing is, I have so that I should be happy about! I recently met the love of my life and he has talked about wanting to marry me (which used to make me so happy, but I even told him to wait to propose until I am over this sadness), I am in a doctoral graduate program for physical therapy, and I have a family who loves and cares about me. Prior to one month ago, I was so happy. I literally never felt sad. I felt so blessed. This is going to sound SO stupid compared to real issues people have, but for a couple of years I have woken up every morning with the lids under my eyes swollen and black. It never used to bother me but the edema is now destroying the skin under my eyes. I wake up in the morning and I am afraid to look at myself. I talked to some doctors who have never heard of this happening and are trying to figure it out, but I am worried no one will be able to. These feelings started with me feeling ugly but I could still be happy…now its turned into so much more. I cant stop crying, I cant focus in school, I cant study well, I cant even make love to my boyfriend and be emotionally attached. I am worried if this continues I will lose him, my Mom is sad to see me this way and that hurts me too. But, I cant snap out of it. It all started with something so superficial…..but for some reason its hit home and I cant snap out of this. Has this every happened to anyone else? I feel so out of whack….why cant I snap out of it? Thanks for reading. 

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    I'm not a doctor or any find of health care professional, but I would say you have ocd which is causing you to be very depressed.  I don't think you can find your way ou of this maze by yourself, Try to find a therapist who is versed in ocs and depression and find out what is going on with you.  In my opinion, the family doctor cannot help with this.  Visit the ocd site and learn anout it.

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