Today I woke up feeling wonderful. I usually do until something or someone messes it up. It's usually the same person that messed it up for me. I wish I could ignore it but when you treat someone like gold all the time and all they do is trample you like you are a tiny peeble and they are an elephant it gets tough. The day is beautiful and everyone is with family and friends and I'm sitting here typing on this site instead of being out and about or having a bbq.
At least I can releave some of my frustration on this site and even though I may not get a reply (not looking for one), I feel like I'm talking to a bunch of my friends. It help being on this site, I don't feel judged and in my home all I am is judged. Uusally by the same individual but I let him get to me. I try so hard to ignore it and be positive but as I said before when you are view like a peeble its tough.
Today, this minute, I DEMAND respect. I DEMAND to be spoken to with integrity and worth. I will not allow this jerk to make me feel inferior and angry the way I feel this moment. I will smile even if it's a fake smile. I will laugh, even if I feel like crying. I'm frustrated and emotionally drained but I will not allow this jerk to treat me the way he does. IVE HAD ENOUGH!!! This up and nice one day and nasty the other is going to stop. I cant take his mood swings and bad treatment. Especially when I cook, clean, wash his clothes and tend to him like a king. SCREW this crap. Then he say mean things to me and an hour later he's apologizing like I'm some child who is always going to accept his BS.
I mean, its bad enough we aren't together and things have turned to the worst ever. I want him to leave but he says he doesn't have any money to move out. He asked me to be cordual but treats me like sh*t. Ive been putting up with his crappy mood swings and bad treatment for quite some time now and I"ve allowed him to do whatever he wants and I've just sat here doing absolutely nothing. Yeah I argue and say I don't appreciate it and all that other mumbo jumbo crap but it falls upon def ears. TODAY, you WILL listen because I am not your punching pinata bag. I am a WOMAN who WILL get respect and WILL not be treated like your beating a dead horse ANY MORE!!! OR…you can take your corny a** and sleep outside like an animal.
Thank you God, help me continue to fight for what's right and not allow this treatment. GIve me strength to get better and not feel so low. I am worth so much and I may be down and out now but I know you will give me strength to get back to the great woman I once was. It's here, hidden under the pile of abuse I have accepted and received for so long. Thats it I've had more than enough!!