Not really sure where to start right now but I am happy to be here because this is the only blog where I can speak the truth. Anyone who reads my stuff thank you, I know this is all such useless crap, but it helps me to just write.

M left earlier today. I don't get what the fuck all that was about with her yelling at me about my hair, then crying and telling me how bad she feels. Do I just upset her because I remind her of her own occasional breakdowns? I'm frankly not in the mood to analyze M. I just found out one thing for sure. She is not my best friend. She is not even a real friend. And she defintately doesn't understand me. She calls me a spoiled Princess because I "won't" work. I am barely able to get dressed most days and she thinks I'm just a lazy spoilt fuck. I am really getting tired of her and A judging me. But at least A values my friendship. I think M is a fucken psycho after what happened and I dont' trust her at all anymore.

What a shitty birthday it turned out to be and that's no surprise. Oh and I decided not to get my hair done. NOT BECAUSE OF M! But because I just don't want to spend that kind of money on hair when I am over weight and broken out to begin with. It's not like longer hair will fix any of that. And when and if I see K, well I don't know what I'm going to do. I really really don't. But I DO want to see him again soon. God, I miss that guy. I love him so fucken much and people think it's because I'm crazy and obsessed, no… it's not that. It's that he is very very very special in EVERY WAY and there is no one else that can possibly be what K is to me. Period.

So, all in all I am going to have to live with being ugly. It's not such a shock since I was never beautiful in the first place. I am just hoping the hair dresser does not try to get revenge on me for canceling at the last minute and costing her time and money. I am worried about that now.

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