School is nearing the end so every one of the teachers decides now is a good time to cram all the projects and test that they can think of on us at the last minute…. -_- It's just stressfull and stupid and I hate it….

I don't really have anything to say though. I've been kind of getting close to this guy… My friend that I've been friends with since like the eigth grade. We dated once already and that was in eigth grade so as you can imagine that didn't get far. But now it's like we are both single (finally)… And we are beginning to actually talk so more and getting to know each other some more. Since it's been a couple years that we have actually talked. Apparently I have changed a lot. I feel like he has too. He seems more mellow and realistic and mature-ish… He's more laid back. But it's weird because I feel like I used to be the shy girl with no confidence in herself that just submitted to everybody. And I may not still have confidence in myself, however I am way less shy than I used to be and I've notice I'm a little more dominant in my life and that I kind of don't take crap from anybody anymore. And yet as I continue to talk to him, I find that he is like how I was. He's shy and he doesn't really have confidence in anything, let alone himself, and he is kind of up for anything leading me to believe he would also be submisive to just about everybody. Which is different because it used to be the oppisite… He used to be so sure of himself and so confident about everything. And now that's kind of me.

I don't know. He's kind of going through a rough time so I'm trying to give him some space but still trying to convince him that the world is good and there are people willing to stick by his side till the end… But last night, I called him for the first time… like ever… lol. I've had his number for what? A year or so now and I have not once called him. But it was kind of awesome because we talked for an hour even though I had to call someone else. And we just talked about nothing and everything and I couldn't stop smiling afterward for the longest time and I don't know…. I'm trying not to overthink everything (like he is doing right now) but sometimes it's really hard…. Like my mother… So this guy… my friend (for now), is of a different color of me. And my mother is racist… She makes no sense. Like she doesn't mind black people as like people, ya know… but like she doesn't want me dating them… Because she doesn't want "that" in her family… even though it's not like we are getting married….. -_- I just can't win with my mother. In fact, I kind of stopped caring (or trying to stop caring) about my mother. At the very least when it comes to my relationships. Because that effects me more than it effects her. In fact it does not effect her at all really. And above all I just want to be happy. He makes me happy… I've only met one other person who could do that. And since I can't be with the other, I'll need to be with him.

Sooooo… I might be getting a rat!! I'm so excited! We are doing a lab in Psychology with rats and after the experiments we are allowed to take them home with parental consent and I'm like 90 percent sure my mother will approve. SOO EXCITED!! My friend is going to give me a lot of free stuff since she has rats herself and yeah… excited!

Anyways… Way longer than I thought this would be. I'm going to go daydream now… lol. I've been doing it since we talked last night… So bye! Thanks for reading if you did!


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