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Why is that I have to constantly have someone around me to feel ok and I don’t realize it until i’m not around a person or that person anymore and then my mind starts spinning again. Maybe I don’t want to be alone…really? I don’t. My best friend I hang around her all time. When we hang out, for the most part i’m completely ok, or seems that way. My mind isn’t spinning out of control. Put it this way, when I’m around good people. I don’t spend a ton of time with people, but I just don’t want to feel like i’m getting in the way, like i’m smothering you know? I hope i’m not. I always feel as if I am no matter what. I used to work at the same job as my best friend and she want me to come back there and work with her now. I’m supposed to go to her house this evening. I asked her if I could just stay there since I’d be over there late anyway cause i’m going to watch the little ones till she comes back from her night class. …she always ask if I want to stay. She said, sure…did something happen with your folks? I said no, I just wanna stay. She said ok, yeah sure. …but now, I think i might change my mind. I don’t want to be a bother. She gets irritated if I even say that, so I won’t mention it, but I do have a final to study for. I don’t know. I’m just rambling on about a lot of nothing. I’m confused. I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. I don’t know everything is jumbled up and spinning in circles. I drive my own self crazy with my paranoia. I hate the way I feel when I think about how I might appear to other people. I can’t explain….

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