I sit beside him now the way he’s sat beside me for so many years, hoping my presence will give him comfort. He doesn’t have the strength to bound around our home today, in fact I’ve had to carry him to his litterbox—the stairs are too much for him to stumble up. My friend rests on an unfamiliar chair near his plate of food, I can tell he’s nervous about leaving it. I take off my undershirt and drape it over a portion of the dusty cushion, he slowly turns his head and looks up at me through his third eye lids. His body shows me no sign of recognition… unnecessary movement is too much effort right now. He starts to snuggle into his makeshift bed eventually and begins to rest as a wave of pleasure and sadness wash over me. He’s been so good to me… he doesn’t deserve this.

Hundreds of miles away someone very important to me is also in an unfamiliar hospital bed. My bumbling communication skills and my laxadasy attitude have hurt her badly recently, I fear exacerbating her physical condition. Things don’t always come out of my mouth the way I plan them to and when they don’t, I dont have the presence of mind to correct myself. I’m afraid I’ll plant a toxic seed in someones mind and they will start to see me the way I see myself. I’m an aspiring professional but I’ve proven again and again that I’m nothing but a child. One way or another I show my hand, except one avenue ends up hurting people I care about. I truly hope I can reconcile things.

The vet isn’t sure what’s wrong at the moment with my cat, blood work has been taken and we’ve communicated three times since today’s visit. He’s been recently diagnosed as diabetic and has started an insulin regiment but today’s symptoms are worrisome and problematic. He will likely have to go back into the office tomorrow unless something drastic changes by the morning.

I’m hoping and praying for the well being of the loved ones in my life and if you can spare some positive thoughts for them—I would be deeply grateful.