I decided to be festive and use some colors for this blog, since I am feeling in a better mood.

I have a really bad fear of abadonment, I always feel like people don't like me for some reason.. its weird. I am my own worst critic.  I really don't like the way I look..and honestly I have a pretty boring personality, idk. haha.  I just wish that I could be someone that everyone wanted to hang out with intsead of the preson texting everyone in her phone trying to find SOMEONE to hang out with.

Today I had a fiddle lesson which I was pretty nervous about, but got through it and did a good job. I also was nervous about work , but went and was proud of myself. I even stayed later then normal, and then went to my friends house which is also hard. I feel like i did a lot today and am proud of myself.  Why do I still feel like im on the verge of crying? Wtf?  I'm happy damnit. let me be happy!

Although money is soooo tight right now.  I owe my boyfriend 70 dollars , and i Hate being in debt. I don't get paid until Thursday.  Today I had 30 dollars taken out of my account for a gym membership (which i dont use btw) and that leaves me with a total of 4 dollars to my name. I also have to find a way to pay for college books, an oil change, gas, shampoo and conditioner, meds, and go dwho knows what else.  *sigh* I need another job but that ain't happening because of this little anxiety bird on my shoulder. 🙂