So lots of things have changed. I cant remember what I wrote last time I wrote a blog.
Basically about3 months ago or so I was in a state of not wanting to leave the house. I would go to work (forced myself) and came home and sat there.. and the process would repeat itself. I eventually got help from a therapist and started getting a bit better. Now I\'m at the point where I can do a lot of things that were hard for me a while ago. I can now ride in the car with people short distances.. go places with friends.. go to the MALL (that was hard) and a few other things.
Now, after recovering a bit.. I can kind of see myself slowly slipping back into where I was before.. Things get a teeny bit harder everytime I do them. Today, the grocery store was a struggle.. When a week ago it was easy as pie. I really hope I don\'t fall back into my old ways.
Sometimes I feel like nobody is ever going to want me with these anxiety attacks I have… Point being, I have been looking long and hard for someone to be intrested in me.. and it seems after like 2 times of meeting them they all of a sudden realize that they don\'t want a relationship.. or that I\'m not who they thought I was. I\'m afraid of getting into a relationship with someone and falling back into my old ways of not being able to leave the house, and losing that relationship. No one wants an agoraphobic who doesn\'t want to go on dates and has to pace around rooms when she gets panicky. No one.
\'Cept I have learned that the one thing that DOES help, and DOES get me through this hellhole is my faith in God. I never really used to be religious even a year or so ago. But, this new therapist I have had has opened my eyes to this and I am raelly grateful. It seems everytime that I feel like I am having a panic attack, or that I can not handle a situation.. I start to pray. "God help me through this.. make me strong.. I know this is your will for me.." And i continue on from there.. you can not BELIEVE how big of a difference it has made. Every single time I pray to get through something, i get through it! Its amazing! Even if you are not religious, I would suggest meditation.. or praying to a god you don\'t believe in, because it really helps.
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Do not worry about if you will ever find someone to love you – my first date with my now fiance I had a panic attack and he dealt with it and has stuck by me ever since 🙂
I am a firm believer in doing things that work for you and if faith is how you deal with it then you should continue to do so. I myself often pray to my Gods when it gets really bad and I find that just talking can help 🙂
the key word in ur prayer is strong. If you tell ur self over and over u r strong, u will eventually start to believe it. You are always going to have good weeks and bad weeks, just remember the feeling will pass, you will feel good again. Sometimes a bad week is caused purely by hormones, or u r tired. I try to remind myself of that to get me through. You are doing so well and u have alot to be proud of. U will find someone, anxiety does not define u as the person u are, it is but a part of the wonderful u, for the moment. Nobody is perfect and guys aren\'t looking for perfect. Just be your self and the right person will come along. Thank u for ur advice on praying and meditating, it will help alot of people i\'m sure. xxxx
Thanks for all the support guys :}