So lots of things have changed. I cant remember what I wrote last time I wrote a blog.
Basically about3 months ago or so I was in a state of not wanting to leave the house. I would go to work (forced myself) and came home and sat there.. and the process would repeat itself. I eventually got help from a therapist and started getting a bit better. Now I\'m at the point where I can do a lot of things that were hard for me a while ago. I can now ride in the car with people short distances.. go places with friends.. go to the MALL (that was hard) and a few other things.
Now, after recovering a bit.. I can kind of see myself slowly slipping back into where I was before.. Things get a teeny bit harder everytime I do them. Today, the grocery store was a struggle.. When a week ago it was easy as pie. I really hope I don\'t fall back into my old ways.
Sometimes I feel like nobody is ever going to want me with these anxiety attacks I have… Point being, I have been looking long and hard for someone to be intrested in me.. and it seems after like 2 times of meeting them they all of a sudden realize that they don\'t want a relationship.. or that I\'m not who they thought I was. I\'m afraid of getting into a relationship with someone and falling back into my old ways of not being able to leave the house, and losing that relationship. No one wants an agoraphobic who doesn\'t want to go on dates and has to pace around rooms when she gets panicky. No one.
\'Cept I have learned that the one thing that DOES help, and DOES get me through this hellhole is my faith in God. I never really used to be religious even a year or so ago. But, this new therapist I have had has opened my eyes to this and I am raelly grateful. It seems everytime that I feel like I am having a panic attack, or that I can not handle a situation.. I start to pray. "God help me through this.. make me strong.. I know this is your will for me.." And i continue on from there.. you can not BELIEVE how big of a difference it has made. Every single time I pray to get through something, i get through it! Its amazing! Even if you are not religious, I would suggest meditation.. or praying to a god you don\'t believe in, because it really helps.