Had trouble sleeping as of late, but decided to take one of my friend's advice to go back to the gym. I had gotten roughly 4 hours of sleep before I decided to go, but I think it helped a lot though. I ended up working out for about 2 hours before calling it quits. It made me feel at least alive when I was there, but I noticed as more people showed up as it got closer to dawn, I had a sense of anxiety boiling up. I didn't always have this problem, but I'm noticing that lately I'm getting to the point where I hate being around so many people especially when I'm alone. I feel like a nobody in a crowd. Someone who would just fall over from the slightest nudge. I'm thinking if i am up to working out again tonight, I'm going to try for like 1 am or something if I am unable to sleep again. I don't want to quit again like last time. it's definitely helping that I'm working out, but I need to be in a situation where I'm not going to fall apart. I need to rest and get myself put back together. I need to be strong enough to take care of myself better otherwise i know one of these night I'm going to have a nervous breakdown like before. It's gotten pretty damn close two nights ago and I'm not wanting to find out what the hell is going to happen to me any time soon when I come around out of it. The house is empty and the depression has been getting worst, if I'm not careful I just might end up carving into my arm again. I think at least if I can keep my psyche up and be absolutely exhausted during the night, I shouldn't have trouble getting deep sleep. I just hope I can keep this up…