Okay, so I’ve posted a thread on here, talking about being anxious about taking an upcoming trip with my Dad.

Let me elaborate.

My Dad drank pretty heavily most of my life; until I was 24 ( almost 7 years ago).  It was never physical abuse that came with it, but emotional and verbal.  I was targeted because my Dad doesn’t like Mother (yet still lives with her, but we’ll save that for another blog).  The only way to hurt Mom, is to hurt me, thus the emotional and verbal abuse.

Vacations with Dad have always been tricky, due to the “Hey, we’re on vacation.  I’m gonna drink and have fun!” mentality.  Very hurtful things have been said in the past.  Granted, when Dad reduced his alcohol intake greatly 7 years ago, his tolerance went back down. WAY down!  Now, it only takes a couple of beers or liqour drinks to get him riled out.  Now, mind you, he only gets riled up with me.  With everyone else, he’s an absolute delight!  Also, keep in mind, I do have some fault here, in that, I get pretty aggitated right off the bat, as soon as I see him touch a drink.

People keep asking, ‘why take the trips at all if it’s that bad?’.  Well, the thing is, his intentions are good.  He wants to make memories for me to have of us together, so that I can pass those memories along to my children and so forth.  He doesn’t see his drinking as a problem, and 95% of the time, he claims he has no recollection of anything being said, or even arguing.  Therefore, his drinking on trips isn’t a problem.  I take these trips with him, because I don’t want to waste the time that I have left with my Dad on this Earth, and wind up regretting not going.  The good, in this case, outweighs the bad.  Why complain?  Well, I’m really not complaining.  I’m seeking help in learning to deal with things from my end.  Someone suggested the ‘JADE’ method.  You don’t have to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain.  Essentially, I need to learn to remove myself from the situation.  You need two people to have an argument, and if I don’t participate, he’ll get real tired, real quick of arguing with himself.

I do have anxiety about what could happen.  But through meditation, and the advice I’ve been given thus far, I hope to keep that anxiety at a low, and work through things in a health manner.  I will use my breathing techniques, I will not JADE, and I will do my best to count to 10 when my top is ready to blow.

 

I am DETERMINED that this trip will great!

 

Much love and peace,

-C-

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