Bosie and Gabriel sit on Mommy's chair cuz it's butt-warmed!

I'm angry.
Not pissed off,
not ticked off,
not in a bad mood,
but deeply angry.
Angry in my cels.

The Anger is making every thing hurt.
It's blocking me from moving.

And that's ok.

That last part is soooooo important,
the "that's ok" part.
It's the key to unlocking peace of mind and body.
Letting go of harsh judgment of myself and others is going to take some work.

And it's work worth doing.

I say it's worth doing here on this blog
because writing it down makes it more real:

It's OK to feel what I feel.

Seeing it in writing makes my idea more concrete.
It's validating.

If we waited for the outside world to validate us we'd never leave the house.
It would be NICE if we could uplift, edify and encourage one another.
And many times we do, but in order to heal a badly broken self-esteem, the validation has to come from within.
Nothing else can make up for the deficit.

I need to get back to some basics.
I may need to get involved in the Overcoming Overeating support group on Yahoo specifically for those following the theories of change set forth by Drs. Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter in order to get the validation I need and to inspire that validation from within.

I need to be reminded of what I already know but seem to have forgotten.

Here are some important excerpts from their book "Overcoming Overeating: At Last! A Book to Help You Break Out of The Diet/Binge Cycle.":

"Control' means eating food prescribed by others, according to their rules – what you do when you go on a diet (page 1) ….

You will discover that the simple act of feeding yourself when you're hungry has great psychological consequences (page 2) ….

Controlling your eating and losing weight will never resolve your need to calm yourself with food (page 13)…..

The more unacceptable you feel, the less able you are to change (page 23)…..

The truth is people never scold themselves into significant change (page 40)…..

…buried under the layers of self-contempt is not a thin person wanting release, but a rebel demanding to be heard and understood…..

…a rebel in constant protest against what has, by now, become her own
imposition of cultural standards and judgments (page 45)"

Hear that world!! Don't try to control me!!!

I resist control.
And that's OK.

I don't like being told what to do by folks who don't understand me.

Don't tell me I HAVE to eat a certain way or I HAVE to exercise.
That kind of pressure is short lived.
It's short lived even if the person telling me what I HAVE to do is me.

You can see how my iron-willed,
work out every damned day,
never fail-streak petered out.

I believe there are deep spiritual truths behind that petering.

The validation was false.
It was pushy.
It wasn't from my truest ME.

Sifu Shi Yan Ming is speaking to me now.

Shakti Mhi and shakti energy is speaking to me now.

Susan Powter is speaking to me now.

Anger will not stop me from my truest expression of self.
Anger is an authentic part of my truest expression of self.

From the article "IN PROFILE: SHI YAN MING – Lifestyle & Travel, 2000"

Shi Yan Ming says,
"I enjoy food very much.
You want to eat,
your body needs.
Go eat!
You want to drink, drink!"
Beer is his drink of choice, which he calls "special water." He especially enjoys wine and French champagne ("very special water!"). He's big on martial arts movies and an ace on his Sega Dreamcast. And if you were wondering about any vows of chastity, Shi Yan Ming and his partner (and manager) Korean-American music publicist Sofia Chang are expecting their first child any day now.

If any of this seems contradictory, Shi Yan Ming is quick to point out that it's all in the balance.

"Do the positive things",
he admonishes.
"Do the beautiful things.
There are many beautiful things."

It's all about Chi, baby.


*Lisa's Video Pic of the Day*
Women Fighting!!
I need to kick some ass in this lifetime.
click here or click below


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