"It's dizzying to step over the threshold. It's a familiar border.
Needless feelings that I pushed away because they cluttered my heart are coated with dust
If I leave here, it will be death. I dropped my steps, for I hated the unfamiliar happiness more than familiar sorrow…
I'm afraid that I will be a used-up shoe. The world, the time, the people put me on crooked. Forget.
What the world thinks piles up like the mountains of newspapers and notices in front of my door. Do not lay out all those demands.
This is my home. Leave me alone. Do not come in, anywhere but here.

Even without the tears I cry now.I just cry like I breathe.Even when I try to get out of the sorrow-turned-house, on the threshold I cry.Without realizing I cry." Tablo- Home

The beginning of this song describes how I feel at times. I love listening to it, but at the same time I hate listening to it. It's all a love and hate thing for me. The song makes me so sad, and yet so happy. My hubby tells me that I should stop listening to it until I get better. He tells me to stop listening to a lot of music that I love. He wants me to stop doing a lot of things that mess with my feelings. Half the time I'm sad and the other time I'm angry. People always ask me why I never smile or why I'm never happy. I tell them it's useless, why get your hopes up? Then have everything come back down. I think ocd makes some of us bitter. I'm not afraid to say it, I'm bitter. It's sad, isn't it? At such a young age… I often wish there were a time machine so my mom could go back in time and not marry my father. I've told her this, and she usually says that I wouldn't be here. That's the point. I wouldn't have this fucked up feeling of uselessness. My brain wouldn't be freaking out over stupid germs.

2 Comments
  1. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    You are in that sad loop that turns into frustration. Everything fuels it. Lately I just feel like I want to sleep. I will go check out this song, though. I love all kinds of music.

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  2. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    And I am sorry you are feeling this way.

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