So today is my dads birthday. When he gets home I've gotta work my ass off to make myself appear happy. Because even though I think the world of him and want him to have a great day..[He's gone to work but whatever], I just wake up feeling so depressed .I swear today after having an early night yesterday I just feel like throwing myself off a bridge because I feel so depressed. I just keep crying thinking what the hell am I doing to my life but I have no motivation to do anything about it cause I really don't want to be here. I went out yesterday as obviously sitting at a computer or lying in bed all day won't help. But when I went out I felt so unstable and stuff kept going around in my head over and over I just wanted to come home. I was physically drained when I got home when I didn't even do anything. I wish I could magically get amnesia and forget all the bad things in my life but obviously that's not going to happen. I just for weeks tried to force myself to be happy but now feel even worse. I'm so useless I can't even pretend to be happy and have to distract myself in a fake world in games or whatever way I can, just to prolong avoiding my own life. I'm such a let down to everyone either way. Also it really pisses me off how people can be assholes and ruin other peoples lives and yet be happy and have a laugh and go to work. I wish I could see whether karma actually existed and I wish I could see into the world and mind of these people and maybe I would feel a little bit better about myself.
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Physical pain uncontrolled
Brokenboy8778, , Depression, Chronic Pain, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Therapist, Therapy, 2
Day 2 of this Crohns flare up. I cannot control this gutwrenching pain. I fell like baby velociraptors are...
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Nothing changes *Triggering*
Bchemist4life, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Stress, Suicide, 0
29 going on 15. Seriously. I thought I had adjusted to the tough and tumble of life by now,...
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My E-Dairy Part 12
SerialSade, , Depression, Career, Parenting, 0
Ah the taunting, withered seeds that are the remnants of the fruits of my labor. I hate payday now....
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Vulnerability
Nyxie63, , Depression, Child, Relationships, 0
I've been reading a lot of the blogs on here and so many of them ring true for me....
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Nothing is Ever Good Enough
MForeverChained, , Depression, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Grief, 0
So… I was having a convo with my grandfather and somehow it got really serious. I told him about...
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Bullied
princessangelabunnie, , Depression, Self Esteem, 0
Girls I went on the school bus with bullied me and a girl bullied me on deviant art. They...
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On The Outside Looking In….
Louisiana1976, , Depression, Depression, Grief, OCD, 0
was how she’d felt, like "The Little Match Girl" late that afternoon when she’d stopped in her neighborhood clinic...
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Fuck this.
Caitlan, , Depression, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 1
Okay really. Yesterday & Today sucked ass.Yesterday I lost my bestfriend and she ended up fighting with me for...