So in my last blog I explained my dilemma – a girl friend whom I'd like to be a girlfriend, obsessing over possible rejection, obsessing over being touched and obsessing about obsessing too much.

SO…now it seems that her ex called her and visited, attempting to make ammends and taking steps towards being friends again. Thats fine, I have no problem with that. It does put a speed bump in my plans to ask her out though. See now shes talking about him again, just when I got her focused on me. And of course I'm playing therapist, listening to her troubles and pushing myself further into the friendzone. Shes also talking about some guy her friend is trying to set her up with. At first she wasn't interested, but now she says that "there are signs everywhere that tell me I need to talk with this guy" All of this transpires the day before I was going to approach the dating subject. Now I don't know what to do. She texts me all the time for no reason in particular and she'll say things like "I had a really great time hanging with you, you always make me smile" and cutsie flirty stuff like "wuv ya!" and she texts me all the time. And then she'll say things like "thanks for being the best friend ever! You're awesome!" and I'm not sure if its a – "I like you lets date" awesome, or a "your my best friend and nothing more" awesome.

I think the saddest part is that even if this all hadn't happened I know I wouldve chickened out. I always do. I don't know. I'm beginning to lose hope, that i'll lose her to either her ex or this new guy. Meantime I'm just her court jester. I'm there to pick her up when she's down, to be a shoulder to cry on and to be ready with a joke or something when she needs a laugh. And unfortunately I'm also the one who's there to watch as she hold hands with another guy, to be the third wheel, to listen about how her ex was perfect or this new guy is really great. And the guy to suffer the hour drive home from her house knowing that I never said what I wanted to say. You damn dirty coward you.