Ever since I was 13 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I wouldn't believe it, I had heard so many kids preaching depression until nobody believed them. I never told anybody about my depression until I was 17. I felt like I was alone in this, and I wasn't able to take any medication until I was of age. And my counsellor at school wasn't helpful at all, unless trying to get me to dance to High School Musical was the cure. I finally began dating a guy at 16, and at 17 I finally got the guts to tell him of this mental health issue. Many people never understood how I hid it for so long, but I became very good at putting on a happy face. He turned this issue against me and used it as a weakness. He'd tell me I was fat and that no one would love me, and I stayed because I thought he was right. Finally after a lot of counselling and being put on medication I left him. Within a week he was with someone new, just because I left didn't mean I didn't feel anything. He then kept messaging me saying he loved me, in the end it became too much and I overdosed. I was in hospital on a drip for days, he never showed up. And that's when I really knew what he was like.

Not only did my overdose ruin college – they didn't think I was stable enough so I had to leave- and my job -I was handled like a china doll, delicate and breakable- it ruined me. When situations get bad I resort back to overdoses, in that moment the suicidal thoughts become extreme and real, it's an escape route. But my little sister is who I hold onto when things get tough, I cannot let her see me like that again and I can't let go for her. I don't want her to feel the pain that I do. So I live in silence with my mental illness, I don't like to talk about it and writing this blog is my way of opening up. Finally letting people in, people who understand.

2 Comments
  1. rossm477 7 years ago

    its good your opening up,, its the start to the beginning of learning how to live with your mind, gain more happiness and satisfaction and leave behind the useless moods and thoughts that render us incapable.

    we are just beginning how to learn and have to take it slow.

     

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  2. yirah 7 years ago

    I'm sorry. That's terrible what you've gone through. I really hope you can find someone you can trust who can help you. It's really sad that some people don't understand.

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