I have spent a lot of energy, trying to understand my anxiety and anger. I thought it many different things, I thought it was the people around me, I thought it was just a bad start to the day, I\'ve thought it was the insignifacant job I have. Maybe the lack of respect. Maybe the constant reminder of how much pain there truly is in this world.

Mostly though it is all about my reaction to these things. My perspective on things keeps me in an unhealthy relationship with anxiety, that in turn produces the frustration that is spent with anger.

All of those things are contributing factors, but they should not control me as much as they do. Trying to mantain control of your reactions is a difficult thing to do. We have bad emotional habits that are so autonomous at least for me that I find my self in a situation before I even had a chance to avoid it.

In the end I have had to teach myself to pause long enough to tell myself " don\'t fight. " Most of the time the redirection in my mind or how I percieve what is going on changes how I want to react or if at all.

I have made it through the last 3 weeks without a single confrontation. And no anxiety attacks in quite a while. I feel like I should get some chips or something for that.

I know it is not full proof and that I will fail at some point, but everyday that I can make it through with out feeling that way is priceless.

Now if I could only stop worrying and feeling like I need to be prepared for every contingency that may befall me in the day…

Funny how I don\'t have thoughts about good things happen. I guess that is day dreaming and not worrying at all.