"I am not fat."

Lately, I've been saying that to myself. It's true that I am not fat (I am about 5ft 4in and my weight fluctuates between 116 and 120 pounds). However, I am starting to worry about my weight. I attribute this change to being home for summer break. 

My father is very skinny. He eats normally, but he is practically addicted to exercising. My mother, on the other hand, is overweight. She is not overweight by a lot and she just appears a bit chubby. My father constantly harps on about her weight. He doesn't notice that he is hurting her by his words.

"Look at your stomach!" "You take so long to get ready. Fit people look good in anything so they don't have to take so long." "Beauty is not just in the face, it's in the body too."

These are a few of the things he says to her. He also reminds her that she was skinny when he married her. That is the most hurtful thing, in my opinion. It's like he's saying that if she looked the way she does know, he wouldn't marry her. I know he still loves my mom; however, if I was her, I would be constantly questioning that. 

My dad also reminds me not to end up like my mom. Hearing all of this nearly every day has me thinking about my weight. I know that my dad would still love me if I gained weight. However, I feel worried that he would not love me as much. I have already disappointed him by being depressed. Perhaps weight gain would be the last straw.

I know that I could easily get into a habit of eating less and exercising more. However, it would probably escalate to barely eating and exercising more. Hopefully, once I get back to college in a few weeks, I will be less concerned about my weight. After all,

I am not fat.


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