I’m questioning everything. I’m going through a bad time right now, i’m trying to survive but it’s hard.

I went to classes again today. I realised today how much work i’m going to have to do. I allready have two massive assignments that I’ll have to do, and I know that there are going to be more. I’m not good at this sort of stuff, why did I sign myself up for this torture. I’m not smart. I’m not clever. I’m not good for this sort of thing. I’m never going to pass. I’m stupid for thinking I could. It dissapoints me more that I’m actualy interested in the classes. They are keeping my mind going. I just wish that I could do something to pass. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I made a idiot of myself today. During a break in classes I was talking to a few classmates, and turns out that one of them is studing Psycology. I said "oh I see a psycologist". OMG! Why did I say that???? I have no idea why I said that. Then one of the guys had the nerve to ask "What do you see them for?"… I didn’t know what to say… I said "oh just a few personal issues", his reply "Well I had depression for a few years so I know how you feel".. What the hell? he doesn’t know me. He asked me when did I decide to get help? I couldn’t believe he was asking me these questions, I mean after all, we have known each other for two days for crying out loud!!! So I end up telling him that when I ended up in the hospital that was when I started getting help. I can’t believe that someone would just up and ask me these questions!! is that rude? or am I just over exagerating?

On another stupid thing, My psych txt me today and asked me if I was ok, and when I was going to have another appointment. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to have to go back to her, but I also don’t want to put her out by not going. I’m freaking out about it. I’m so stupid. OMG.. I wish I had some answers. I’m totally torn. She’s going to hate me. She is not going to like me, well actually i’m sure she doesn’t allready. I’m screwed no matter what. HELP??!!!!

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1 Comment
  1. Chrissy_Dennis 14 years ago

    I dont know you but, it does sound like youve started something good! its all new now and so very scary but something in you decided to start it and thats maybe the part that you need to let grow. Sorry if i sound bloody nosey, ive just joined and never done anything like this before. I really hope youre feeling much better tomorrow. Not meant in a patronising way!!

    Found this love the stuff in its teeth lol!

    Chrissy

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