I think I have been getting prays answered, thru email. i have posted somethings that really have hit some of my question of lately. I have not been feeling good lately and down about it all. I thought I should reach in and work a little harder in my program to find that missing link of feelings. I know its just feelings, Its hard to explain it , it comes from within me. Not of using but of self worth, I guess you can say it that way. I don't feel like me. I don't feel heathly, I don't feel uuugghhhhhhh I just don't feel right. I pray about it, I have given it to my sponsor I have used my tools . But that feeling it just won't go away. So I was told to redo my tenth step, huh
"We continues to take personal inventory and when we were wrong proptly admtted it."
I thought to myself I proptly admitted to myself I am wrong about ME? So I needed that green book to read it again to understand where I might be going with all of this. So I have learned something about me just by reading something I read before, done this step before. I learned it is about me for now. For I needed to go back time to time in my recovery and work steps again different times of my life, for the rest of my life so be it. So I had to do a inventory of MY now. How I feel today when things are not going well, for living life on lifes terms can bring resentments still today. Resentments will eat me away, for I will allow them to become complacent in my recovery. I could happen so fast I will never see it. Because I was to busy feeling it and boohooing it. I don't what grudges in my life. I am very greatful for my sponsor. I just thought I was just being a big baby about things and should get off my potty chair. But it was alot more then that. I was relying on others to make me feel good about myself. I don't know how that came to be. I have gained alot of weight for me that is. My health seems to be going right with it down hill that is. Since I got clean , I don't feel like me. I must have skipped my spiritual healing of ME. Which can happen, I was on that pink cloud of my recovery for so long that I was clean and life is soooo much better, and all that choas was gone. That I am now coming off that pink cloud after all this time. So taking this inventory of my now is another growth in my recovery. It's ok to feel bad, its ok not to feel like me any more, Because I am not me of the past I am someone different. I had to change people, places and things at the begin. In my NOW I need to learn how to change ME , my outlook on life, how I see myself in this new life of recovery. The first step is to be honest with ME. MY feeling down about myself and what I can do about it. First is always always give it to my HP and pray, Then make changes, like not feel ME. The weight was a good sign of recovery but now its time to work on changing it. OK! My health the wieght is part of it and smoking is not helping in any way. These two thing is a good start hmmm lol lets start with weight, I just don't know about the smoking of yet. lol But it is a start. I got to make the differents first is not to be so hard on myself. I should start looking for something that will work for changes like a diet and more on my program. So my first step is I shouldn't have ate that cake tonight, oh and I shouldN'T have gone to McD's for lunch. So Its a work in progress to help myself for a change on how I feel about myself. So I guess I sound off enough for today lol I am going to bed nite all love you 🙂