Separation Anxiety Adults Partner, spending time apart may be difficult. It’s natural to feel lonely and uneasy as you go about your days waiting for your mate to return.

However, if your concern, uneasiness, or other emotional turmoil becomes so overpowering that it begins to damage your well-being and interrupt your everyday life, you may be suffering from separation anxiety from your spouse.

Separation anxiety disorder was once thought to be a childhood mental health illness caused by thoughts of abandonment, according to doctors. Earlier editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) required symptoms to appear before the age of 18 – thus you couldn’t be diagnosed with separation anxiety as an adult.

More recent proof

Trusted Source agrees that adults can suffer separation anxiety, typically in the context of a love engagement.

dependable source This research is now reflected in the revised DSM-5.

Our guide below provides further information about separation anxiety in relationships, as well as tips on how to deal with it effectively.

Symptoms: separation anxiety adults partner

One significant symptom of relationship separation anxiety is a sensation of great or intolerable discomfort at the prospect of being separated from your love partner.

“This anxiety is more than just missing a spouse,” says Vicki Botnick, a marital and family therapist in Tarzana, California. “It might be a deeper dread that you can’t exist without them, or that they’ll be wounded and you’ll lose them forever.”

This sort of separation anxiety will manifest some of the following symptoms:

• frequent and persistent fears that your spouse may suffer an injury, accident, death, or anything else that will cause separation
• Frequent and persistent fears that you may be harmed keep you away from them
• When going without them, they experience anxiety and worry.
• as they depart, they cause discomfort and suffering
• a want to know where they are and when they will return anytime you are separated
• Sleeping is difficult without them.
• difficulties concentrating at work or school because you can’t stop wondering if they’re safe
• Fears that they may forsake you or end the relationship are constant or overwhelming.
• widespread agitation and restlessness

During your time apart or when anticipating a separation, you may also feel physical anxiety symptoms such as stomach discomfort, headaches, or sleep issues.

Where it may have originated from

A variety of circumstances might lead to relationship separation anxiety.

Attachment problems in childhood

Attachment in psychology refers to the link that develops between you and your early caretakers.

You most likely acquired a stable bond if you learnt you could trust your parents or other guardians to take care of your needs.

Insecure attachment might result from inconsistent affection and support. Anxious attachment, a kind of insecure attachment, shares many characteristics with relationship separation anxiety.

You may have an anxious attachment style if you:

• concern that your boyfriend may abandon you
• require a great deal of reassurance to think they truly love you
• It is tough for you to spend time alone.
• rely on them to satisfy the majority of your needs

A childhood diagnosis of separation anxiety disorder may also raise your chances of developing separation anxiety in adult relationships.

Stress in life or unpleasant changes

Separation anxiety can arise after a big loss in some people.

If you’ve just lost a loved one, you may be thinking about your own and your partner’s mortality for the first time.

Surviving a calamity or terrible incident can sometimes lead to an unwelcome acquaintance with the fleeting nature of life. If your spouse was in a risky scenario, you can get concerned about what might happen the next time you’re away.

Spending a year in cramped quarters during pandemic lockdowns might cause anxiety as you gradually resume a more autonomous routine. You’ve undoubtedly become accustomed to each other’s presence, however tough that transition may have been at first, and the sudden increase in alone time may have seemed unsettling.

According to Botnick, leaving home for the first time might be stressful. You may feel unused to your new freedom and nervous about living on your own whether you move out to live alone or with a partner.

Relationship variables

If you suffer from relationship anxiety or have experienced rejection or abandonment in the past, separating from your spouse may be more challenging.

Separation anxiety can also be influenced by cultural variables, according to Botnick. If your society regards autonomy as odd or dangerous, you may experience anxiety while doing tasks without your spouse.

Even the most favourable qualities of your relationship might add to worry. Perhaps you’ve always had a very close connection and your life circumstances have allowed you to spend the majority of your time together.

Botnick continues, “If one of you unexpectedly has to spend more time away from home, you may need some time to regain your footing as you adjust to making meals, going to bed, or caring for children alone.”

Codependence

While codependence is not legally a mental health disease, it may produce a great deal of emotional discomfort, including feelings of separation anxiety.

In a codependent relationship, you may prioritise your partner’s needs over your own, be more concerned about their well-being than your own, and even feel you know what’s best for them. You may eventually become so entangled that it is difficult to recall that you are, in fact, two separate persons.

“When people lose their sense of who they are apart from their loved one, they are more likely to struggle to operate alone,” adds Botnick.

How to Deal Separation Anxiety Adults Partner

Perhaps you’ve always found it difficult to be alone without your companion. Maybe separation anxiety is a new sensation for you, and you’re wondering how to reignite your desire for your own company.

These tactics can be useful in any case.

Restriction on check-ins

Separation anxiety might cause you to feel compelled to phone, text, or message your spouse on a regular basis.

There’s nothing wrong with communicating throughout the day. However, if you spend all of your time worrying about others, you will have less mental energy to devote to yourself. This might impair your attention and cause difficulties in your regular routine. Not to add that regular texts may be too much for them.

Make some room for yourself by establishing some ground rules. Perhaps you text them during your morning break and phone them briefly during lunch. Otherwise, put your phone away and concentrate on your own day.

If fears continue to arise, recognise them and then let them go. Refusing to interact with these ideas might assist in weakening their grip.

Make new routines.

Separation anxiety might emerge after big life changes when you are afraid of losing the intimacy you have with your spouse.

Is there a solution? Make a concerted effort to schedule time for excellent connection into your day.

Spending time apart is perfectly acceptable, but you can’t have a strong, healthy relationship unless you also spend time together.

Bonding time might appear vary based on your specific scenario.

Consider the following suggestions:

• Every day, share one meal.
• Make it a practise to go to bed at the same hour every night.
• Set aside one day every week to spend time together.
• An nighttime walk might help you reconnect.
• Plan a nightly video chat or phone conversation.

Share your concerns.

Good communication isn’t a relationship panacea, but it can help to alleviate many sorts of relationship pain.

When you avoid talking about your feelings, they tend to get worse. According to researchTrusted Source, the same is true for romantic relationship anxiety.

Simply stating how you’re feeling and how you’re dealing with it might be beneficial. Your spouse may not understand why you are afraid, but they may still listen to you, acknowledge your feelings, and provide emotional support.

It’s also conceivable that they’ve felt similar fears and pondered how to communicate them with you, so an open chat might help you both.

Concentrate on your requirements.

Taking care of your mental and physical needs will not make your problems go away, but it will help you handle them more effectively.

When you find yourself in a worry loop, examine whether you’re making enough time for:

• a good night’s sleep
• physical exercise
• regular suppers
• hobbies and relaxation
• Aside from your relationship, you have friends and loved ones.

Self-care may include almost everything you do to promote your own well-being, so consider:

• experimenting with meditation and other mindfulness techniques on your own or through apps
• keeping a journal of your anxieties
• attempting to become more at ease with unpleasant feelings
• When you’re feeling stressed, go for a stroll.

Gradually become used to isolation.

Graduated exposure, a technique commonly employed in anxiety treatment, can help you gradually acclimatise to whatever causes your anxiety.

Separation in little doses might help you acclimatise as you gradually work your way up to spending a few days (or more) apart. As the evidence mounts in favour of your partner’s continual return to you, you may begin to feel a bit more secure.

Gradual practise exposure

You haven’t spent more than a night or two apart from your spouse in the last two years, but they’ll be gone for a week on business next month.

Botnick suggests starting many days ahead of time to overcome your nervousness about sleeping alone:

First, instead of staying up late waiting for your spouse, consider retiring to bed before he comes home.

You then proceed to sleep in the guest bedroom. When you wake up feeling anxious because they aren’t in your room, knowing they’re in the room next door provides some solace.

They vow to call at your bedtime and speak to you until you fall asleep while they are away.

By the third night, you’re relaxed enough to fall asleep following a goodnight text.