I realize that no matter how hard things are that i can\'t forget or lose site of the things that are important to me, so as hard as it was i came up with a short list(all i could remember for now)….

I am Thankful for:

-for my Baby(and no i don\'t have kids)

-for my 2 Cats(and no, I\'m not a crazy cat man)

-for having a second shot at life

-for having some support when i need it(at times)

-for being to pussy to kill myself

-for not giving up

-for all of the shit i have been through to get me to where i am today

-for feeling too weak to go on but somehow making myself do what\'s neccessarry.

-for my Family(everyone i love and care about)

-for the help that people in high positions in their respective feilds have tried to give me here in cali, but it seems noone can outwit the mighty healthcare system here.

-for having health insurance, being on ssi….which has all given me the oppurtunity to take advantage of all of the available recources open to me(which i have)

-for mother nature(and all her wonders)

-for true love

-for shelter, food, and water, clothing, etc.

-for being born in America

-for having the courage to take on an overwhelming task and lasting seven months without breaking whenever i couldnt recieve any help at all with my meds

-for my appointment coming up on Wed with a psych

-for my many experiences in life(both good and bad)

-for my screwed up childhood(it made me who i am today, and that\'s all i know)

-for Bizzards, thunderstorms, camping, hiking, animals, rainy days, sunny days(depending on my mood)

-music of all kinds( i would go insane w/o it)

-for being born

-for hot fudge sundays, pizza, steak, baked potatoes, omlets, twist n shouts, pushups,

-oxygen

-meteor showers

-seeing freinds and loved ones smile

-for having a fast metabolism

-for being strong minded, even though i don\'t give myself credit

-for being a moral, loyal, honest man

-for sleep(when i get it)

-for fast food

-for good movies

-for helping others when i can

-for being alive when i have stared death straight in the eye on atleast 3 occasions.

-for knowing my best freinds before they passed

-for being able to write this list(i am very depressed)

-for the hope of a brighter tomorrow

-for Anxiety Tribe

-for the cold side of the pillow

-for being intelligent(shutup lol)

-for learning from my mistakes

-for the oppurtunity for higher education

-for all the pain i have suffered over the years

-to have witnessed others pain and to know what i don\'t want to live through

-to have tried to help people in pain when i can

-for gum

-for air conditioning

-for EVERYTHING i have ever been though

-for ALL of my memories(good or bad)

-a cool summers breaze

-swiss miss and floorkies

-the smile on my Mom\'s face when she would be happy when we were kids.(and the smile of all my other close relatives).

-for forgiving my Dad

-for sunny and cool autumn days

-sunsets

-my 6th grade teacher

-my 2nd to last psych

-days i don\'t wanna die

-watching the seeds i plant grow(whether it be plants, or seeds i plant in people)

-funny stories

-laughing so hard the back of my head hurts

-Ohio State Football and Basketball

-playing sports when i was a kid

-my favorite dog ever(gomer, a black lab/german shepard mix)

-for talking to my Mom, Niece, and 2 Nephews on skype.

-for playing with my kitten (Scooby)

-for being an integral part of my nephews upbringing, and spending so much quality time with him, teaching him about everything, life,sports, the hardtimes and how to deal with them, and just being in his life.

-my favorite cat ever(spike)….although i cant play favorites now that i have 2…..

…..if i sat here longer i could think of more, but this is what i have for now. i am very depressed and it was very hard for me to write this. but i have to pull through and i have to appreciate the positive things in life.

so i have all these positive things and much much more that i love, so why is it that when i am so down i lose site of all of these things and i basically forget about them and can\'t hardly think of anything positive no matter how much work i put in to try and better myself? i know my meds need adjusted, but what the hell is wrong with me? i have so much to be thankful for. all i know is that i need not ever lose site of these precious things, b/c these are the kind of things that you can\'t get back if you lose them.

I wish everyone well. Take care,

Justin