I have been absorbing the work of Melody Beattie and Tara Brach, and trying to implement their ideas into my daily life. Though I am not addicted to drugs, I find that I have an addition to approval, meeting others’ needs, working to make things run smoothly… In short, I’m co-dependent. I find myself often preoccupied with how others view me, and this distracts me enough from the real work I could be doing, to grow and change.
I found myself loving the concept of AA so much that I was dying to go – but didn’t feel that I qualified. So, this is my ‘next best thing’ – looking for a community of like minded souls who are doing the best they can, day by day, to move through their issues.
I have struggled with overwhelming anxiety / panic attacks, depression, compulsive checking, obsessive thoughts, and chronic pain. All of these together has made my life… unique, to put it mildly.
Though I feel that I am actually coming out of a depressed episode, my anxiety has not really improved. I know that eventually I want to be off the medication I take for these issues, so that I can start a family with my husband. (Funny… if I tell myself that I’m just ‘getting better’ for *me*, that’s not good enough… but if I tell myself that I’m ‘getting better’ so I can have a baby, that’s justified.) Like Gretchen Rubin posits in her book, Better Than Before, I am an obliger – I love to help people, often to the point of overtaxing myself.
But aside from all that negativity, three good things about my life: I am addicted (in a good way!) to reading (I am currently reading ‘Raven,’ a biography on Jim Jones written by a Jonestown survivor); I have had a cat for almost 10 years, and she is entering her elderly stage – this breaks my heart, but she is my family; I love finding new ways to improve my mental health (one new consideration – hypnosis!)
I hope that tells you a bit about me – I’m glad to be here.