A few things… work -and- romance…

I launched THE website.  I’m a project manager at a web development company and have been working on a big project for months.  The client is very moody and has been borderline abusive in the past, and his superiors actually scolded him for how he treated me and my team.  So, it has been stressful working for this client, and not good for my depression!  I had an awful feeling about how the site launch would go last night.  I worked an 11 hr day but we got the thing launched and in pretty good shape.  The site has had a couple minor problems that were quickly addressed–no major drama post-launch (so far).  I’m so relieved to get through the launch without the client freaking out on me.

My other client–who was in town visiting my company during the preparations for the site launch of the other client–is gone now.  It was two full days of running meetings and entertaining the client at dinner and lunch.  Whew!  The client left happy and we gained over 3 months of additional business which will keep us busy and profitable for a while.

Meanwhile, on another big project, the primary web developer is not pulling his weight.  He is coming in grossly late and overbudget on everything, and I can only make excuses for him for so long before the client starts to complain.  My boss even talked to him, but I don’t think he was tough enough.  Now I have to be the bad guy and call him on everything.  It is pretty bad.  That isn’t helping my stress or depression

On the romance front:

I mentioned the other day that I was disappointed because I didn’t hear from a guy on the dating website who I was very interested in.  Well, I heard back from him tonight.  I have mixed feelings and confusion.  Why did he take so long to get back, is he really not that interested?  But then again I took almost a week to get back to him so why am I focusing on numbers?  In the message, he hinted at a date but didn’t come right out and ask.  In a way I’m relieved because I’m breaking out like crazy from all the work stress and now is not a good time for me to go on a date.  Then again, I feel almost rejected that he didn’t come right out and ask.  How screwed up is that?  Also, I’m afraid that if I reply to him now, the issue of going on a date this weekend will need to be addressed, and I feel so ugly now.  I don’t want anyone meeting me looking like this.  However, if I drag this out until a time when I feel prettier, it might be too late.

It is all the mean client’s fault!  If he wasn’t such a jerk, I wouldn’t be stressed and I wouldn’t be breaking out and I wouldn’t be in this position.  Yeah, that’s it. 😉

And then there is this other guy who I’m going to have to turn down (on a date) because he makes me uncomfortable.  He is always making little sexual references and I don’t like that.  Once, I was feeling bold and flirty and went along with it.  Just once and not since and I regret it.  I think he has the wrong impression about me and I’m not comfortable with the focus he has on sex.  He is asking if I can go out tomorrow night and I need to tell him ‘no’ and that I’m not interested in him, but for some reason that is so hard for me…  I absolutely despise making people feel bad.  And I feel guilty, like I "led him on" with that once and only flirty incident.

I have such issues!