The meeting went better than I thought it would. As soon as I got to her I broke down and cried on her shoulder apologizing for everything and thanking her for protecting herself and our baby. I was a mess pretty much the whole time but I managed to get out that I love herand that the man she dealt with for the last month and a half was gone for good and that the man I am now is the same one she cared for in our first month. She said she would never keep me from my baby and that she won't keep me away during the pregnancy. She had a slight sincere smile on her face most of the time and she seemed to understand what I was really trying to saywhich is great. She had to get to work so we only had a few minutes but she said we'll talk and we'll probably see each other before her appointment on the 4th. I suggested maybe we could go on adate this weekend and take things slow like we should have and she said Mexican would be good. I still owe her dinner at a local Mexican restaurant since the ultrasound showed 1 baby instead of 2.I don't know how things will turn out since she still isn't texting me much but at least we texted back and forth a few times today about baby names (she started it). I still can't help but feel jealous and worry about what she's doing in her free time right now but like I told her I understand I need to pay penance for the way I treated her. If we do become a couple again I will be buying asimple inexpensive vanity ring to wear all the time as a consciousreminder to myself of what I almost lost so I hopefully won't make the same mistake again.

 

For the first time since I was a young teen I knelt at the edge of my bed this morning and prayedto God to bring her and my baby back to me. I'm still not a believer but today definitely made me think twice about doubting His existence. I don't think there's a miracle aside from seeing a dead person come back to life (in a non-horror movie way), a serious wound miraculously heal right in front of my eyes, or something else incredible like that that would make me a true believer, but if this turns out the way I want I will start taking faith more seriously, start praying more, and thanking Him. I was raised in a Nazarene family with a Methodist Minister uncle so I do have some religious background but I never really believed. I'm beginning to question that now.

 

Sorry for the mess this blog is. I'm still running on that 1 hour of sleep I got this morning. Time to correct that since I got my thoughts from today typed out. Goodnight World.

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