I don’t even know how to begin or what it all means.  My life is just going along, nothing really good or bad, just kinda stagnant.  Some of the things I’ve been doing I guess would be considered risky behavior but I find it to be fun and takes some of the boredom out of my life.  I have my usual clients that I see, they pay my bills.  I have my personal group of special needs clients.  They make me feel alive, special, wanted, worthwhile.  Like being with them is what god wants me to do.  And the families, at first they weren’t sure, but I’ve been accepted.  I’m not out to hurt or use them, for many, I’m invited over just to chat, have dinner, non sexual time.  And I’m able to use my relationship with the guys I see, I am able to start doing work on changing their behaviors.   For some, they aren’t being rude or as inappropriate, others, the way they deal with their family has improved.

Then my personal life is a huge pile of shit.  My g/f is still in the rehab hospital and I’m not not allowed to visit or talk to her.  I guess in a session she said she wants to kill me and some other stuff.  In art therapy, some of the stuff she has done is a lot more violent, with sexual things going on. So her therapist and dr feel that right now, for my safety and hers, I need to stay away, not even call.  At the hospital she has been violent with staff and maybe patients and she is doing her sexual acting out again .  I was hoping  all that was behind her. Something about her brain, its just not healing right.  I have no idea how I can help her or what I should do.