It's been a few days now, but I'm here. The concert was really amazing, gave me a whole new respect for Alan Parsons Project. Live they're so much edgier and full of soul. Even with how sick I was it was worth going.

I thought I wouldn't get any worse than I felt on Sunday — ha. Monday came and by the end of the morning I dragged myself to the urgent care clinic. Diagnosis? Flu. But it was too late to start treatment to keep it from getting worse, I'd just have to tough it out or go to the hospital if it got really bad. (There's worse than feeling like this? I thought to myself.)

I will not discuss the things that have come out of my body — they are just too disgusting to describe. At one point though my Mom saw one episode and was ready to take me to the emergency room right then, but I refused to go and curled back up on the couch and sank back into sleep.

That's all I've been capable of doing; sleeping. And I tire out SO fast! If I'm up for over an hour I have to go back to lying down and resting again. I'm very slowly getting better, but I have a feeling that it will be awhile yet before I'm back to being me.

Okay, I'm sorry that I've been whining about how I feel. It just sucks. And I know I could feel a lot worse, but seriously I felt like I was dying at one point — all I could do was lay there and weep like a baby. 🙁

There has been some kind of amazing harmony restored between my Mom and I from going to that concert together. It reminded both of us of the years when I was a young child and it was just the two of us, singing away together to the stereo…Alan Parsons, Pink Floyd, Journey, Kansas, Led Zepplin… And it seemed to remind her that there was a time when we were HAPPY without my step-dad's presence, and that she gave all that up to have him in her life. (He only listened to classical music, he refused to listen to anything else or let anyone else use the stereo for it — arsehole.) It's as if she suddenly realized that after 28 years she could be herself again and enjoy the things SHE loved, not what he wanted her to love. The transformation that's unfolding before my eyes is so beautiful. My mom, MY mom, is here again. I lost her around 9 years old, but at 33 she's re-emerging. I never thought I'd see her again. I'm so damn grateful that we still have time left together to celebrate our love for each other.

So, all sorts of healing are going on in this household; both physically and spiritually. I couldn't ask for more. I sit here on the porch and listen to the sound of the hawk's cry, the wind's hushing, the chimes swaying, and I look about and see a beautiful day. Spring is coming soon. My soul is at peace.

My dear friends, I love you. I'm sorry that I have been unable to talk on the phone, I have laryngitis. But those of you who have been calling — I'm thinking of you especially and sending you so much love and healing thoughts! I will try to get in contact soon.

The exhaustion is creeping back on, time to go curl up on the couch again. Hope you all have a beautiful day too.

2 Comments
  1. TravisParks 8 years ago

    My mom despite what she has been through is one of the strongest people I know. I haven’t always been the perfect son but we get along pretty good. Hope you get a break pretty soon from the bug and keep blogging! You have a gift for writing!
    ~TP

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  2. Andie372 8 years ago

    Sorry you're so ill.  I hope it clears up soon.  Glad you and your Mom are regaining some closeness.  Some women give up everything for a man, I don't understand that.  I always stayed away from men who are possessive and smothering.  My hubby is a great one…i picked a good one.  21 years and he has stood by me through all my crazy times.

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