Just a boring night. Thinking about doing homework but mostly getting distracting. Thinking I'm tired and it's time to go to bed, but feeling like I should do homework.. and then getting distracted.
I went to a depression support group for the first time tonight. Someone there was talking about websites like this and I decided to check them out. It seems like it will be nice to be able to talk to people who can actually understand what I'm going through. Most of the people in my life don't get it.
And I'm realizing that maybe it's not that they don't care, but maybe just that they can't read my mind and see what it is that I need from them. That maybe they have other things they are thinking about and feeling and doing. But maybe that doesn't mean they don't care.
But it sure does feel like it in the moment when you've had an exhausting (physically, mentally, and emotionally) day like I did last week and you just want to talk about it and maybe have a hug and maybe do something fun to help you feel better again. But your friends are doing their own thing. And maybe listen a bit to what happened but you can tell they want to get back to what they were doing. And so you break down in tears and sob in your bed until you fall asleep, thinking that you've just lost everyone that you care about, thinking that no one likes you anymore.
And then the next day a friend wants to go play in the snow with you, and your boyfriend asks you if you're okay and has hugs for you. And you remember that everything is okay.
But that time in the middle… that time when the feeling that your world is crashing around you is just so real… that's the worst.
If anyone else has experienced this and has any tips on how to remember (in the moment) that it only *seems* like the world is falling apart that would be great 🙂