I'm not really sure where to begin…i feel weird spilling my guts to strangers on the internet, but if i dont i think i will lose the rest of my sanity.  I dont really think anyone will read this….but i need to do something

I have been battling depression on my own for about three years, ever since i was 13.  Recently its gotten progressively worse.  One of my so called friends is the biggest drama queen ever.  She treats me like crap because she knows she prettier then i am.  She always complains about every little thing and if something doesnt go her way she throws a huge fit.  She is arrogant and immature but she thinks shes perfect.  She tells everyone I'm a whore, that im the reason she broke up with her boyfriend, that everything is my fault.  I cant get rid of her because then she would have no friends at all because my other two friends HATE her.  I mean she would still have friends, but not her best friends.  On top of that i feel bad about saying bad things about her no matter how much she trash talks me

Then my other best friend who recently got a boyfriend has completely abandon me, she doesnt mean too.. but today her boyfriend killed my last dream i was holding on to.  I wanted to be a pharmacy major so i could start off with a good job.  he informed me that pharmacists are worthless and i wont get a job. With this same friend though, i wanted her to come help me find a therapist since i couldnt talk to my mom about anything because her life is finally perfect.  So me and my friend kept making dinner plans and i kept telling her i needed to tell her something important and then i would call her right before dinner and she would say "oh no i cant my boyfriend is coming over"  so thats always great

Then theres my mom, she just got remarried a few months ago and before hand me and her were really close.  But now weve drifted apart.  Everytime im trying to talk to her, if its about school, or my psychological issues or anything, the second my step dad walks up i become invisible.  I could tell her i almost commited suicide, but she wouldnt hear it if my stepdad was around.  she doesnt hear anything i say

On top of that my one love is horse riding, and my prime show horse (who was previously injured for two years) re injured his old injurey. or at least that is what my trainer thinks.  If this is true, then i cant ride him for another two years again and i graduate in May.  I'll lose my last bit of my horse show career

Then i have school work.  I'm barely 16, and a senior in high school taking way too many hard classes.  This week alone i have: an Economics Test, Economics Project worth 300 points, Physics Test, Physics Quiz, AP Psychology quiz, AP psychology reading quiz, AP Psychology Test, AP psychology Article Review, AP Psychology Essay, AP Chemistry Test, and a Math Quiz.  Not only that but im doing so poorly because i dont have enough time to do everything

Yes i feel like im whining.  But im afraid if i dont write this all down im going to lose my mind.  But that would make sense, I've lost my best friends, My good grades, my horse, i guess losing my mind would make sense


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