I cannot stand people who don\'t understand what it feels like to go through panic disorder and anxiety. To make things short… it\'s about my step dad. He drives me insane. He is so negative majority of the time. 

I am a fulltime student and so I have been staying here with my mom. She doesn\'t have any other family members around here other than my little sister (she\'s 22). 

So, the past three days, I had gotten sick. And my step dad had gotten sick as well. But HE thinks that I intentionally got him sick. Ugh, what a load of crap. Anyone could get sick. I am always in my room, studying and having my "own" time. He\'s clear across the room. When I go into the kitchen, I always wash my hands before entering, and I cover my face with a little mask. He, on the other hand, doesn\'t wash his hands, he stomps his feet like a two year old.

My mom, step dad and I had dinner at the table last night. He didn\'t say two words. After he ate (mom and I were still eating), he gets up from the table, and loudly throws the dishes in the sink, stomps his feet back into the living room and plops in his recliner. 

Mom and I finish eating, and I help clean up the dishes. I don\'t cough while doing them. My hands are sanitized while washing the dishes. And he started yelling, "Don\'t let Katy do the dishes, she gets everyone sick. I hate being sick." Wow. How immature can one person be?? Does he realize that no one likes to be sick? I didn\'t intentionally get him sick, although he sure as heck seems to think so.

So today arrives, even though it\'s evening now, and all day I have been avoiding him. He is so negative. I don\'t know what his problem is, but I am getting to the point where, enough is enough.

I love my mom to death and she cries to me when I tell her that I am thinking of moving in with my sister, to get away from my step dad. No one needs that negative energy around, especially when you have anxiety. 

This has been an on going issue though. This is just the most recent issue. This one time, a year ago, he was drunk and started yelling at my mom, saying that my anxiety is a load of crap and I am doing it for attention. Hmm.. my mom knows very well it\'s not a bunch of bull. I am on three different types of medication. I\'ve dealt with it all my life, for 23 years. 

He needs to learn to grow up, he\'s nearly 60 years old, and a three year old acts more mature than he. My mom stands up for him all the time, and then she goes into her room and cries. She deals with anxiety too. It\'s hard on the both of us, and we\'re just trying to make our best. She doesn\'t want me to leave. 

He\'s so mean, angry. He doesn\'t hit my mom or anything like that, but he has these insane outbursts, and throws these god awful temper tantrums. It just pisses me off, and right now, I am more than pissed. I just want to pack up my things and head out the door, but I am here for my mom. I just don\'t know how much of this crap I can take. I just took a xanax to calm myself down. But it\'s so hard. 

I have gotten to the point where if he\'s in the living room, I don\'t dare enter. I don\'t even go into the kitchen for fear he might get up from his chair and come in and burst my sane bubble with his negative energy. I am just venting. I don\'t wish panic or anxiety on anyone, but damn.. sometimes I wish he could take a walk in my shoes for one day and realize what I go through, and that no one needs to have such a negative person around them. No one likes him. They say that they like him, only because they don\'t want him to blow up. Gah… why did my mom marry this turd?

3 Comments
  1. gphonse357 11 years ago

    I feel you. This is why I try to keep my issues secret, to avoid from people judging me and throwing it back in my face. I find that it is easier that way, maybe not really healthy, but neither is people using your flaws and vulnerability against you.

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  2. Katymyster24 11 years ago

    Than you all for your support, means a lot to me.

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  3. anotherben 11 years ago

    I know you say you stay for your mum but as an adult she has the choice to leave too but chooses to stay, in my experience anything you could say to her won\'t change that as she has to make that decision herself. Think of your own happiness and state of mind, the only way you\'ll really change this situation is to consider moving on. Of course that doesn\'t mean losing contact with your mum but maybe being supportive from a place you feel much happier to live in.

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