I just don't know how I feel anymore.  Yesterday I cried  most all day long and why?  I have no idea….it's like I've died and I'm mourning myself if that makes any sense.

Last night we went to eat at a buffet just me, Dana and Landon who's 4.  They cooked steaks for you on a big grill and when the meat went on the flames shot up well Landon and Dana were right there getting food when all of a sudden you hear this shrill scream and then crying, it was Landon.  I thought at first he got burned on something but when she brought him to the table he was crying because the fire scared him.  He is deathly afraid of fire, thunder and any loud  noises so this terrified him.  He kept sitting in the chair crying mommie please take me home please take me home and I broke down.  Seeing that sweet little face so scared and him shaking I couldn't take it!  Now Dana had to calm us both down and people were staring but you know what?  I could care less who was staring and who wasn't we were in our own little world and cared about no one else.  We finally told him if he ate his food we would leave and he calmed down and ate but I couldn't I just kept crying and more crying til I went to bed and then cried myself to sleep.  I've been so stressed and worried about my kids I guess I needed a release but isn't a release supposed to help you feel better?  Landon woke up with nightmares about the fire about 4am and I just stayed up with him after that.  Today is no different, still crying and don't know why but I guess I'll get thru.  I see the therapist tomorrow so we'll see how that goes…