This gets to me so much. When i see a train wreck coming i ignore it and pretend like its not there. Then cry when it happens. What is the point ?
I liked this guy, though i knew fully well nothing would come of it relationship wise…but that didnt stop me from hoping. He was really interested in me at first but i quickly abolished that with my problems, lack of transpo, lack of otherwise anything that could be construed as productive or unproductive in life, its just nill. I'm working on getting everything to come into place but moving on… i really really dug this guy and mostly i think its bc hes teh only guy ive known since i moved here that i meshed with and wouldnt feel judged by or so i thought.
Anyway, skip about 5 months of me turning down get togethers, i met up with him 4 times i think, in like 5 months, but we talked online almost 24/7 UNTIL he found someone, a 32 yr old with a kid someone, Apparently they hit it off like playground kids. So what im getting at is that this crushed me but i dont know why bc i knew it was going to happen sooner or later but it crushed me not only for teh reason my hope for anything was vanished but he practically ignores me now aside from a few IM's here and there. I call this girl the "titty bomb" she blows up in my face and kills our friendship.
I guess its probably for the best, hes a recent divorcee of 7 years and hes only 28. Hes on the prowl and i doubt shell be the last taste. Still, it bugs me that im sad over this, like a lot more crushed than i ever forsaw. I just dont get myself and why i react the way i do. i guess its b/c hes all i had to keep me going , i tend to get along with males a lot more, which makes problems arise when im attracted to them.
Bleh , i guessi should take this as another learning experience and realize one day i will find better, rthats the biggest bewilderment of it all…the fact that hes not een good for me yet im so crushed. I guess im just lonely and feel loss.
i dont care about any typos tonight, im just going to post