Being my first time blogging, I can only think of it as writing in journal, with the exception that the journal is accessible to others. Therefore I will begin by offering my apologies to those that may read my, what may be, confusing "blog".

I am a 50 year old divorced male who is currently engaged to a 52 year old widow. Prior to his unfortunate and untimely passing in 2007, we were all friends and did many things together with our families since 1997. Our friendship was a good one and I personally still miss him very much.

My relationship with his wife began after his passing. I remember having a conversation with both of them in where I stated to them that should anything ever happen to either one of them, that I would always be there for the other to help and assist with everything and anything. And after several months of assiting his widow, our relationship took a different turn. It became a romantic one. Although, I have continued to be supportive to her and their children.

Without needing to say, the relationship caused a bit of friction amongst other family members and close friends, with thoughts of a prior affair, etc., none of which is true. Nevertheless, through a much bitter family and friend struggle, the relationship between the widow and myself has become an "accepted" relationship. But I must say that it is still a difficult one, as it is difficult not to remember her husband, my friend. More so for her than myself. Although I do have many fond memories of him, life does continue and sometimes the memories can have an ill effect on our relationship.

After a couple of years invested in the relationship, I decided to ask her to marry me, and she accepted. Unfortunately, a wedding date has not been set due to a financial situation with her youngest daughter who is still living at home, and of course my own financial situation. I lost my job in '98 and have not been able to find a secure position anywhere, except for a part time position as a porter which pays practically nothing. I am able to find temp work on top of it, but nothing long term and it does weigh a bit on the relationship.

The main stress on the relationship though, seems to be more of challenging one of which I will continue with in a continuing blog as I have to end this one due to a prior commitment.

Thank you for your patience.