Being a cusp is not easy…to experience or to understand. Look up the Cancer Leo cusp of oscillation at the strologybay website for more, interesting info.

Probable one of the best I have read in that it actually helps me understand myself better. I really like how it wraps up with how vital it is for someone like me to find inner equilibrium and balance: “From the overview of the personality traits of this cusp, it becomes quite clear that othis person needs a point of balance so as to control these conflicted aspects that tend to make his/her actions swing from one direction to other. If we srpeak of the compatibility of Cancer and Leo individuals separately, they actually help bring out the best in each other. This substantiates the fact that, if worked upon, this cusp can also successfully create an equilibrium, so that life and its challenges could be dealt with the right amount of calmness and ambitiousness. Fire can very well evaporate water, and water can extinguish fire. But, with the right amount of both, a cozy, warm, steamy, and thriving environment can be created for sure.”

For my entire life I have experienced the chaos of having such seemingly opposing forces within my being. And it has often led to instability, desperation, stress and at times hopelessness. But for most of my life I had no idea why or what was going on. No idea that this inner war was not a failing of character. The knowing….the understanding….can bring such relief. The war is not my fault!

There are a lot of negative aspects of being a cusp out of balance. But there so SO many amazing aspects of being a cusp that is balanced. Being who I am means I will have to put in effort and work to gain the good. But that in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. My nature forces me to seek the higher truths that many are never motivated to pursue.

I think that with understanding comes responsibility…you cannot blame a child for doing damage when it does not have understanding, but as a person grows up, they are accountable for their actions to a greater and greater degree. As I learn and understand more of myself and why I am the way I am and what I need to do to shift my experience inwardly and outwardly toward Health, I am responsible to stay on that path. To decrease the damage that comes from running around without awareness. Recklessly hurting myself. Recklessly hurting others.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance…these seem to be the two sides of the seed coin for change. The kind of change that starts in the deepest parts of your soul and slowly….frustratingly slowly…spreads throughout your mind and your personality, allowing you to embrace love towards yourself and towards the world…with all the flaws and all the greatness, all the good and all the bad.

Bring a cusp could be seen as being dealt a shitty ass hand. Or it could be seen as such an amazing opportunity. Of course it will bring with it some pain and grief, some struggle and drama and strife. But it is an opportunity. I chose to see it as a gift now. Something few others are given. If I can learn to harness the energy of two signs at once?! Imagine the kind of life that could be!

This is where I am… It is time to get off the breast…to take those first halting steps. I like a baby in this journey, realizing for the first time that the face in the mirror is hers. And it is okay to be exactly where I am. As long as I do not give up, as long as I keep seeking truth and balance and light and love…I am on the path. I am further ahead than I was yesterday. And tomorrow is a chance to see what is over the rise. The storm still rages, but perhaps I have found a raft. And the further I get down the road, I hope for opportunities to heal the inner damage and the damage my personal storm has caused to those who have been close enough to feel its wrath.

I can not reject either sign or one in favor of the other. Both the water and the fire are good. And both can destroy. Both are powerful and should be treated with respect.

My mental happy place has always been beside a camp fire at the beach. How ironic.

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