In continuation…

I've really fallen in love with this woman and can't see myself without her. Unfortunately, there seem to be alot of hurdles that are becoming more and more difficult to get over!

We seem to get into silly arguments that have no resolve, yet we apparently move on, only to find ourselves in the same dilema later on.

I am a very honest person and unfortunately have a difficult time when being honest. When she has issues with her youngest daughter, I try to advise her on what can be done to rectify said issue, but she doesm't take the advice and continues to have the same issues. This to me is very frustrating. At first I would say that the loss of her (the daughter) father was causing said issues, and being a young teenager didn't help either. But time has passed and the daughter is involved in a relationship with a young man who seems to have a good head on his shoulders and has been able to help the young teenager, now 17, move on. Unfortunately, she is very disrepectful of her mother, and refuses to do anything her mother says, yet her mother continues to give her everything she asks for and allows her a great deal of freedom to move about, i.e., go out with her boyfirend and stay out practically everyday until her "curfew", etc.

The mother, my fiancee, is always stressed about this, yet refuses to discipline the child in any way, to the point where she states that she just doesn't care! I believe this feeling comes from the fact that she feels alone in the upbringing of this child since the loss of her husband and is overwhelmed, but at the same time, she refuses any assistance from anyone else, including her other two daughters whom are presently in their own relationships, married and with children.

In an effort to make this blog short an to the point, I believe, from the bottom of my soul that she is simply giving up and trying hard not to show it. I want to help her as much as possible, but she always rejects my help. In turn, whenever I'm feeling a bit down or sick, she won't stop trying to help me, even though I clearly state that I am well enough to handle it. I am so confused at this moment!

I have always been under the impression that relationships involve two people whom are willing to share their lives and assist each other in reaching their desired goals in life. To the point where at times, one would sacrifice for the other and vice versa. Am I wrong in this assumption?

Given my life experiences, with cancer and other issues, I know life is short and one shouldn't be dwelling on the negative. We should embrace life with all our heart, mind and soul and enjoy every day to its fullest!

She, after the loss of her husband, began stating herself how life is short and that we never know what tomorrow may bring, yet she seems to live for stress and doesn't listen to her own words and advice! I am at a total loss and am feeling the impact of her stress levels to the point of doubting my beliefs and my own desire to enjoy everyday to its fullest…Ugh, I must stop for a while….

1 Comment
  1. visualist 12 years ago

    Is your advice unsolicited? There are a couple of issues here and one is the difference in how men and women communicate. Sometimes, women will want to vent. That doesn't mean they want an answer or solution. Men will usually look at her quandry as an invitation to advice. . . It isn't.

    Ask what she wants. Does she want to work out the issues with her daughter or is she venting? Support her no matter what the answer is, especially if she is venting.

    As a man, I know this doesn't make any sense, but it will help you both in setting the boundaries of your relationship.

    The other thing is the fact that her daughter isn't yours. Even if you were to have a good relationship with the daughter, you are still an outsider and it isn't your place to interject without permission.

    I hope you can work this out for both of your benefits.

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