It was not so long ago that my weight was going in the right direction.I joined a gym 2 gyms in fact.Took a road trip 600 miles and worked out at a YMCA to make sure it stayed going down.The highest was 265lbs and the low was 219lbs and I was so happy.Then 600 miles back this was the 1st week of November 2010.Now it's January 2011 and I weigh 281lbs.This is the most I have ever been and at 5'5" it is caused me to withdraw from everything.My clothes don't fit and I can't even put my shoes on if they did.The worst part is I let it happen so I am the only one that can fix it.I have been wallowing in self pity since November I have pushed away all my friends and family.So now after almost 3 months of not seeing anyone or talking to anyone I am truly alone and again it was me that caused this.Fat no job and what is becoming more and more clear is this is how I will end up.All I hear is my ex wifes voice telling me you're going to die alone and miserable.So I keep pushing the limit with my pain meds and having a drink just to sleep and even though I don't want to die not waking up seems to be the only thing I'm looking forward to.Here is a good example of why I feel this way.It was over 2 weeks ago that I ordered the Tower 200 the home gym that goes on a door.Well I even paid $40 for rush shipment 3-5 days.Then I find out that it takes 24 -48 hours for the order to post and another 24-48 hours to actually be shipped and these are all business days so you can't count Sat and Sun.This is the story of my life which at this point is worthless.Goodnight everyone and I wish you all the best.


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