I’m new here and I thought forums were attached but I’m lost. This isn’t going to be an inspirational post or anything but maybe someone can reply with advice???

My husband battles with depression and it’s gotten worse with increased work stress and when I got a new job and the times of day we see each other have changed and we don’t see each other the same. He refuses to see a doctor or therapist. He refuses to get on a prescription medication and I have yet to find a proven herbal supplement to aid in depression. I’ve read guides online how to fight depression like exercise or go into the day with a positive attitude and stuff like that and I think, really?, how’s that supposed to happen when you’re depressed and in a negative mind frame?? …. I tell him to listen to music, watch something, distract your mind. He struggles to find something to watch, he struggles to do much at home because he has to babysit his son who is a child stuck in an adult’s body (he gets very little break away from that situation/time to himself outside time to go to bed and son goes to next babysitter), he sees issues that need to be fixed with the house (that we don’t have the money and skills to fix). He hates his job, but he’s stuck because he’s been there so long that he’d lose where he’s at with hourly salary, and he doesn’t have his diploma, and his anxiety and self negatively won’t allow him to go to adult classes to get his GED, so he could get a new job, (like one he wanted, with two great in house references, with skills and one job for 20+ years, but that doesn’t matter without a high school diploma)…. he’s so negative on himself and feels like a burden to me (he hides all these feelings from family, friends and co-workers)…. he has hypertension (which is all I can do to get him to the doctor for) and I worry all his stress and negativity will give him a heart attack, and he wishes it would happen, so he doesn’t have to deal with life anymore (but he’s yet to be suicidal)…and I have him on St John’s Wort, Vitamin D3 and B50 to try to help with positivity and anxiety, but it doesn’t help much. I also got him on CBD gummies (but that makes him sleepy, so he takes it at bed time to help sleep, so there went that for during the daytime)…. he texts me at work about his negative thoughts and he’ll say things at home and I do my best to be positive and reassuring and encouraging and try to get him to think about me and how this will affect me if he’s gone (via heart attack) and he just responds with I’m better off without him and his burdens and I keep telling him, I vowed to you in sickness and health and I’m not going to leave you over this….. some days are better than others, but never great. (Sometimes he finds escape in a certain video game where he’s made a new friend, but there’s halting points there too).

I really am lost with how to help, he needs medication to balance out the chemical imbalance in his brain, as I tell him, as that’s how I understand things, but he feels medication is a crutch and too dependent, he doesn’t want to be dependent on medication. I don’t know what to do.

4 Comments
  1. vwxyz 2 years ago

    Hello,
    I might not have real advice but in one way or another I think I get you. One of my friend was suicidal and self harmed and I just couldn’t find ways to help her… it frustrated/worried/hurt me to the point of breaking down in tears at quite random moments. I felt so helpless. And useless…
    If the both of you have time and money, please do try to talk again about the therapy and meds. Professional help is in my opinion reallly really good and the best option, but I understand changing someone’s fixed opinion is… hard.
    Maybe you could convince him to talk to other people who share his experiences, it does good sometimes to know you’re not alone in this, and maybe he could learn one thing or two.
    It’s much more easier to push people away because you’re afraid you’ll end up hurting them..
    People are different and they need to hear different things and I do not know your husband, but in my case, I needed some harsh words and yelling and my friend telling me I was selfish for pushing them away like that, for wanting to run away while they were still here, kind of changed my persepctive, so maybe you can find some words for him? Maybe not though. Words only work sometimes.
    However most importantly, please take care of yourself too. Take breaks. Remember that control over life is limited.
    I’m sorry I did not have any advice, but lots of love and strenght to the both of you.

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      anonymouswife 2 years ago

      Thank you. He is very against the idea of taking pills even though I tell him they will balance out his chemical imbalance. He feels he will become dependent on drugs, even though I tell him this kind will help him feel better…. I have suggested a couple times to him to look for an anonymous depression support group online. He’s yet to take up on that idea.

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  2. lacey7 5 months ago

    I would suggest that he also take L-Theanine over the country supplement as well with St. John’s Wart. It helps me.

    St. John’s Wart is tried and true but isn’t enough in my experience.

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      anonymouswife 5 months ago

      Thank you Lacey, I will look into the L-Theanine. I did have him on St. John’s Wart, but then I found Sam-e supplement and switched him over to that. I haven’t really noticed any change. I had him on Doctor’s Best and it was an Amazon subscription, but now they’re listed as no longer in stock. I did an Amazon search for another brand, and I came across the Now brand, and it has high reviews, and I read one comment where they said the Now brand formula works much better for them than other brands they have tried, so I’m hoping maybe the Now brand will help more than Doctor’s Best. Especially to the point that one reviewer said that the Now brand really helps them with their joint pain, which my husband could aid from, after 20+ years stocking grocery shelves/moving heavy product.

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