I’m new here and I thought forums were attached but I’m lost. This isn’t going to be an inspirational post or anything but maybe someone can reply with advice???

My husband battles with depression and it’s gotten worse with increased work stress and when I got a new job and the times of day we see each other have changed and we don’t see each other the same. He refuses to see a doctor or therapist. He refuses to get on a prescription medication and I have yet to find a proven herbal supplement to aid in depression. I’ve read guides online how to fight depression like exercise or go into the day with a positive attitude and stuff like that and I think, really?, how’s that supposed to happen when you’re depressed and in a negative mind frame?? …. I tell him to listen to music, watch something, distract your mind. He struggles to find something to watch, he struggles to do much at home because he has to babysit his son who is a child stuck in an adult’s body (he gets very little break away from that situation/time to himself outside time to go to bed and son goes to next babysitter), he sees issues that need to be fixed with the house (that we don’t have the money and skills to fix). He hates his job, but he’s stuck because he’s been there so long that he’d lose where he’s at with hourly salary, and he doesn’t have his diploma, and his anxiety and self negatively won’t allow him to go to adult classes to get his GED, so he could get a new job, (like one he wanted, with two great in house references, with skills and one job for 20+ years, but that doesn’t matter without a high school diploma)…. he’s so negative on himself and feels like a burden to me (he hides all these feelings from family, friends and co-workers)…. he has hypertension (which is all I can do to get him to the doctor for) and I worry all his stress and negativity will give him a heart attack, and he wishes it would happen, so he doesn’t have to deal with life anymore (but he’s yet to be suicidal)…and I have him on St John’s Wort, Vitamin D3 and B50 to try to help with positivity and anxiety, but it doesn’t help much. I also got him on CBD gummies (but that makes him sleepy, so he takes it at bed time to help sleep, so there went that for during the daytime)…. he texts me at work about his negative thoughts and he’ll say things at home and I do my best to be positive and reassuring and encouraging and try to get him to think about me and how this will affect me if he’s gone (via heart attack) and he just responds with I’m better off without him and his burdens and I keep telling him, I vowed to you in sickness and health and I’m not going to leave you over this….. some days are better than others, but never great. (Sometimes he finds escape in a certain video game where he’s made a new friend, but there’s halting points there too).

I really am lost with how to help, he needs medication to balance out the chemical imbalance in his brain, as I tell him, as that’s how I understand things, but he feels medication is a crutch and too dependent, he doesn’t want to be dependent on medication. I don’t know what to do.

  1. anonguy2020 3 years ago

    This site’s organization takes some getting used to. To get to the forums for a specific group, mouse over Groups on the top-right menu, click the group you want, then click the Forums icon. That’s if you’re on desktop. I don’t know how it’s organized on mobile.

    Unfortunately, the above technical help is all I can really give. There are no “proven” supplements or vitamins to combat depression; there’s a lot of anecdotal evidence, but no conclusive clinical studies. Medication might be the best place to start.

    Think of it this way: The brain of a neurotypical person produces a certain balance of neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters in pills are the same ones produced by other people’s brains. If you can’t make your own, store-bought is fine. Your neurons don’t care where a chemical comes from if it’s the same thing.

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  2. Author
    anonymouswife 3 years ago

    Userxinvalid, yes he is burnt out with work and life. He’s coming off a weeks vacation, but he hasn’t relaxed….. His son is an adult but he is still mentally a child, plus he has ADHD. His mother hasn’t been around for about a year, but she did have custody of him, but she doesn’t handle her son well. She’s got a quick temper and they fought a lot and she made excuses for not getting him into therapy. My husband can’t do that for himself and that leads him to not believe it can help his son, plus like you say, it leads him to thinking it’s a waste of money. And his son’s other baby sitters are my husband’s parents, but he feels like he’s burdening them with having his son over there more than he is now. But when he does get time alone, it doesn’t recharge him. The quiet and alone time doesn’t always help. He’s in his mind too much. He didn’t have the best upbringing and he has regrets with the path he took in life, and that haunts him often.

    I do have him taking CBD gummies, but they make him sleepy, so he takes them at bedtime to help him stay asleep.

    And yes I have told him to look into depression support groups online where he can stay anonymous. Maybe I can at least convince him to do that.

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