Friday was hard. I woke up feeling like my heart was about to beat out of my chest and then cried for an hour. The rest of the day took out all of my energy just trying to ignore all the anxious and panicky feelings. I did manage to start feeling a little better, but had to take an ibuprophen that night just to make sure I calmed down enough to sleep.
I hate when it comes down to sleeping. Wondering all the time if I\'m going to get to fall asleep or not. Do I take medication or do I just tough it out? It\'s a pain! Like I need more anxiety.
Yesterday…was weird. I woke up with the usual panicked, heart pounding feeling, but I was able to push it out of my head and at least function. As the day went on I almost started feeling better. Odd. I took an ibuprophen and the rest of the day was…nice. There was even a couple of seconds I saw the old me trying to come back. Of course she vanished, leaving the panicked, anxiety stricken me. But I was happy just know that she was still there, waiting patiently in the back of my head somewhere. I even slept all night without any meds. Yes, I woke up shocked.
This morning here I am. The panic trying to beat its way into my head and body. I hate it! Of course. Let me have one good day so I can be surrounded by a bunch of bad ones. Lovely. I\'m going to try to go to church this morning. Not sure how I\'m going to make out sitting there. There goes some more anxiety. And then I\'m going to try to go to my grandparents\' house this afternoon. Another blow.
I miss seeing everybody. I really do. But all we do is just sit over there. And everyone with anxiety knows that sitting with nothing to do but let your thougths wonder is the worst thing possible. I\'m a danger to myself. I can\'t be left alone with me.
So I\'m anxious. I\'m worried. I\'m scared about my reactions. But that\'s all they are, right? Reactions? So I have control over how I react to the situations. I guess we\'ll see.