Today, my mom told me to kill myself. Why? Because I didn't put my laundry away. She sent me this long winded text while I was AT WORK telling me that I'm atrociously fat and that ill never have a boyfriend(too bad I already do and she doesn't know), and that ill never get a good job, etc. then ended the text telling me to go kill myself. She's said it to me multiple times today. I'm starting to think that's my only option because I have never been so miserable in my entire life. She's never taken a second to be concerned about me because its always about her. She doesn't tell me she loves me anymore, she just glares at me all the time and makes me feel bad about myself as if I don't already hate myself enough. She won't listen to me either, and if I try and move out she won't help me even though she helps my brother. Where I live it is SUPER expensive to move out. So basically it's impossible to do without me quitting school and working full time. My whole family has always treated me poorly, it's something I'm very used to. I've never been good enough, I've never been pretty enough, I've never been skinny enough. I've hated myself since I was 6. I'm almost 22. It's come to a point where life is meaningless because I don't see myself being able to accomplish anything in life since I'm such a fatass and a failure. No one understands what it's like to be me yet my mother insists my life is perfect. It is FAR from it. She doesn't even know me. She never took the time to get to know me as a teenager so lo and behold she has no clue about anything in my life now as an adult. I can't even tell her I have a boyfriend because she'd take my car away and forbid me from leaving the house. Yes, she still does that. My life is absolutely pathetic and I really feel like the only solution is to disappear. I know she wants me to, so I might as well.

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