And so today draws to a close. As I look back on this day, it wasn't too bad. I am already beginning to feel the healing effects of this site. And I must say, it is truly amazing. It is amazing to not feel alone anymore; to know that there are people out there just like me. And that is quite wonderful.

Ich denke, dass ich Gott danken muss. Mein Leben wird besser und besser, wenig bei wenig. Und ich kenne viele Leute lernen! Das ist wunderbar! Ich danke allen Leuten, die mir helfen. Heute war ich nicht so besorgt, was mich froh macht. Ich hoffe, froh weiterhin zu sein. Dankeschoen Gott!

So I guess I can outline my day, and try to focus on the positive parts of it:

1. Band was quite nice, since marching season is over, it is now a free period until concern season begins. It gave me time to finish up last minute homework and relax with friends.

2. German was also nice, although I did experience a little anxiety there. We had a nice Christmas party, in which every student was required to bring in a german dish. I brought in Basler Mehlsuppe, which is actually just flour soup, but it tasted great. However, the past few days my stomach has felt awefully wierd, and I experienced anxiety because I was afraid my stomach would act up with so much food (which it did, and I fought feelings of nausea all day afterwards). But guess what? The food was worth every bit of stress.

3. In Chemistry, I think… we went over some last minute things that would be on the test tomorrow. We also got a class picture with Santa, since he came to my school as a cancer society fundraiser. That was an easy and somewhat stress-free class. I found myself fidgeting quitea bit, although I had not yet gotten the shakes then.

4. English proved to be slightly beneficial: I chose a topic for my paper. The plan of my paper is to bring to light those who struggle with anxiety (moreso the fear of dying and death), and whose lives are controlled by these fears. To follow the mind of someone who has this fear and examine the reaons for a fear such as this. Then, the second half of the paper will examine the comforts that such a person find that help subdue their fear, giving them back their life. I would actually like to hold a few interviews for my paper, and if any of you are willing and/or would like to, please message me!

I ended up having an anxiety attack around 8 pm. However, a few friends on chat helped me get through it (along with my mom and grandma). By far, today has been better than the past few days. My fear has not subsided, however I have hope.

I am looking into seeing a psychiatrist. I always went to a therapist, but not a real doctor. I'm wondering if I should consider medicine to aide me in my fight against anxiety.

3 Comments
  1. JuliaLady 9 years ago

    I\'v never been one to disagree with anyone\'s preferences since everyone has their own opinions… but because you\'re young as am I, I really hope you at least take a minute to listen to my advice…
    As for your thought on seeking a psychiatrist, why not see a therapist first. Allow yourself to share your thoughts, while seeing a professional. Medication isn\'t always the best answer.. there are a lot of side effects that can harm you in the long run. I\'m 22 and have been able to control my anxiety in holistic ways.(because I prefer not to take medication). I\'ve learned new breathing exercises, I exercise more, and developed more healthier eating habits. I do see a therapist, and she allows me to share my thoughts and understand them for what they are. Cognitive therapy is great for anxiety. It\'s all about redirecting your thoughts and thinking patterns.( sometimes the anxious feelings you get, you may not even realize you\'re thinking about anything, but they are there..)
    Also, maybe seek your primary doctor as well. Explain how you are feeling, they may just do a few easy blood tests to make sure there\'s nothing underlying causing theses episodes.
    As for myself, I have found that I have a goiter… it\'s a mass on my thyroid. Because your thyroid has A LOT to do with everything physical and mental in your body; after a few more doctor\'s appointments, I might be finding the root of my evil anxiety, could just be an imbalance in my body.
    Long story short, My advice to you is Don\'t jump into the idea of medication to \”fix\” this. I\'ve just never thought that medicine could be used to \”cure\” everything.. sometimes it just makes things worse. But as I said, take what I say as advice… In the end it\'s all up to you how to take care of yourself
    Best wishes, It will get better. 🙂
    xoxo-Julia

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  2. am3ient 9 years ago

    julialady is right, i take lots of medication but it isnt a fix it just gets rid of the short term symptoms, anxieties roots lie deeper and therapy is definitely the way to go, i also exercise regularly and its worked wonders for me. have a word with your doctor and he will help you get the therapy you need. remember every time you decide to take action you are 1 step closer to feeling better 🙂

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  3. triggered 9 years ago

    Hi friend. Did I mention today that I think you are pretty amazing? Really! I am very impressed.

    I know a couple of people who go to psychiatrists for their therapy and medication. They click with the docs and love going to see them. That is the bottom line… how much do you like the person you are working with… maybe it is a trust thing…or a respect thing…

    I\'ve done the meds.with my doc and therapy with someone else thing… seemed like a strange disconnect as they never communicated. I ended up getting tired of the physical side effects and stopping…

    This fear of doctors thing is something I haven\'t run into before. If you are comfortable doing it, I would like hear more about it. More specifically… do you feel it is a rational fear or not, is your fear shared in your household, was there a bad event.. :-/

    ((((Reamber))))

    Hope you have a calm day today.

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