Well things really hit the crapper the week I posted the last blog. That was a horrible week to say the least. I cried nearly everyday and Ididn't even know who my bf was at that point. He was just so hateful and resentful towards everythinig and everyone. But then I prayed.I prayed to St. Therese, I prayed to Jesus Christ. I prayed to God, and he listened. Things have changed almost drastically. My now fiancee doesn't get jealous or let things get to him like he used to. We've seen things on baseball and its like it doesn't faze him. I am completely astonished at how different its been. Only, that night that he got the worst when he was down on himself, I prayed that I would be plagued by the demons who were plaguing him. Because deep down I had a feeling that this wasn't an outcome of external factors torturing him. I know its demons (aka the devil's minions) that are doing him in. So I prayed that he would be saved and I'll deal with them. So far, he's done a 180 degree turn. And the times that we've argued since, it was because I got upset over something. It's amazing to think, but my prayers were really answered. Now I'm getting these negative thoughts that he used to get. Now I'm the one making assumptions and letting things get to me. But as of late, he's been grumpy and moody. I thought maybe it was the demons coming back to him. But it's because he is still unemployed and it's Christmas. Therefore he can't "contribute", to put it in his own words. He can't get me the things "I deserve" for putting up with him. He doesn't have the money to buy me lavish gifts or anything like that. I tried to tell him that the meaning of Christmas isn't how much you can buy someone, but how much love you give someone. THere just always seems to be something up with this guy and I'm the one who has to deal with it. To make things worse, he was complaining that he had to drive me to my Christmas parties where I teach Zumba & where I work full time. It really hurt my feelings because after all that I've been through with him, after all that I do for him and I never ask for anything in return. Just to take me to these parties, and he complains that he doesn't like driving. Yet he's there driving to wherever his sons want to go. I get it, their his kids but still. I'm his soon to be WIFE, shouldn't that at least be taken into consideration. Then whenever the boys mom need him to pick them up somewhere not convenient, does he complain? No. I feel like i"m getting the short end of the stick here. Not to mention the fact that he left me at home ALL day when I was SICK because his son had piano practice. I understood that he had to leave in the AM because his mom fell (now I'm not exaggerating, but she REALLY BADLY sprained her ankle) * needed to be taken to the ER. That was an emergency that was necessary to get attended to. I'm not upset about that. But he TOLD me he would ask the boy's mom if she could take him herself so he could come back and take care of me. But did he? No. So I feel like after all I do for him and the boys I get shit. Even when I am asking for a FAVOR. I'm not asking him to drive me to a neighboring state. I'm not asking him to spend hours on end in the car. It's just a short drive within town that we're BOTH going to enjoy something. I want to introduce him to my friends at Zumba. I want to introduce him to my coworkers. But does he care? No. It's about him and the boys and nothing else. I guess humility and patience are two virtues I'm really following. It's frustrating to be feeling the way I do, but I just don't get it. I never ask him for anything, yet the few timesI ask him to pick me up from work or take me somewhere I get the shoulder shrug and long sigh asking "What time do you need me to get you?" It's as if I'm a burden on him which is reminding me of my mom when I was younger. She would HATE taking me places and I felt like such a burden to her. Now I'm feeling that way with my fiancee. Somuch for the Christmas spirit.

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    I don't know how much this has to do with religion. I do think the 2 of you pass mental illness issues back and forth, with no one having any insight to what is going on. Individual and couple therapy may well be appropriate in this situation.

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  2. Tali_G87 9 years ago

    Thank you for your insight, I think we do pass it back and forth because we are never both just angry over something. It always one person gets upset and overreacts to a situation and the other one feeds off of that energy. On that front, I agree with you. But there are some things that I feel come out of nowhere and he acts completely different than the person I know him to be. Perhaps it's DID, I don't know for sure, but I sure as hell know that there's something there.

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