I did get sick again this morning, as feared. I nearly made it out the door but then my parents started bickering, and I asked them to stop and so my mom yelled at me, and I got all stressed and ended up throwing up a few times. I literally was tying my shoes while leaning over the toilet so that I wouldn’t be late for work. YEAH BOSS, IM A REALLY HORRIBLE DISRESPECTFUL WORKER. kiss my ass, im the most dedicated employee you have. >:O

I was shooting for a half hour early today to make a good impression after yesterday, but because of my illness I got there EXACTLY on time. When I came in Keith smiled and said something to the effect of “that’s much better,” and that was all that was said on the matter. The coworker that was there when I got yelled at wasn’t working today, and if Andrea or Amit knew about it they didn’t let on. That made me feel SO much better. I’m still kind of worried about working with Amy, or if I’ll get sick again next week. I ALWAYS get sick when I wake up early. Always. I don’t know what it is, it’s not even always anxiety related. Today it was a mixture of both, but saturday it was purely random illness. Hopefully this isn’t going to interrupt school. :/ I can NOT miss any more math classes. I’m already giving serious consideration to dropping. But if I do I don’t think I have enough credits to be a full time student, and I’ll lose my insurance.

Not only was nothing more said on the lateness matter, my boss was actually saying some pretty good things about me when I got started. He was telling Andrea to watch me and make sure I learn right, because when I get better I’m going to be great for the store because I’ve got the right attitude. Which just goes to show you how much of a monster difference your attitude in life can make. And Keith usually doesn’t have much of anything good to say. He doesn’t seem to talk much unless you’ve made a mistake, so that was pretty cool. And later I got to do aisles, which is just like straightening and organizing everything, which I love doing. I get to sit down, I don’t have anyone breathing down my neck, and I actually get to think. And Amit said that I did a really great job with those last time. So that was good.

It’s going to be a struggle to not be late though if my body doesn’t adjust to getting up early soon. I think my body’s reaction to any kind of discomfort is puking. I really do think it’s just because I’m not a morning person. Because I sort of laid around for a bit and kept dozing and waking back up because I was tired, and I got progressively worse the more I did it. I think it was just too much up and down. So maybe if I work on getting more sleep it’ll be easier. It doesn’t happen if I wake up naturally. Just when I have to wake up at a special time of day. I dunno.

I wanted to write about an OCD related thing but I feel this is getting too long, so I’ll save that for next time.

Thanks for all the nice comments and support. I really needed that yesterday.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to see Alice Cooper in concert. He’s one of my heroes so I really hope it works out. My anxiety for concerts is usually about as bad as it gets, and last time I nearly couldn’t go because I was sick in the parking lot. So hopefully my dad will agree to take us (I am SO not going to be in detroit at night by myself ON THE FAIRGROUNDS. HELLLL NO!), and that my anxiety will be managable. I have lorazepam this time when I didn’t before, but it doesnt tend to do anything for me but make me anxious AND tired. But maybe if I tell myself it’ll help some placebo effect will kick in enough to get me through.